Finding a Balance

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This week has been interesting as it has given me the opportunity to take a look at the balance in my life between work and home, especially the balance at home between responsibilities/expectations versus caring for myself and my own needs.  
I feel most of the time my balance between work and home is handled well.  However, one of my managers caught me during a few moments when I had spaced off mentally or blinked without unblinking for a few seconds.  I know it was less than a minute, but it was enough to receive a formal warning from management.  Rather than freaking out about possibly losing my present employment, I have taken time this week to reflect on perceived demands on my time and expectations of others, both at work and home.
I found this picture today, and as I looked at it I appreciated it more and more.  In many ways it is depicts exactly how I feel lately. At first glance what I see is the balance of the stacked pebbles and the initial feeling of peace and relaxation. I feel balanced, things are happening with order and I am in control.    For a short period of time I just enjoyed the moment of calm and feeling of freedom the picture evoked.  Then I noticed the other pebbles nearby, the ones that are not as close in size or included in the choice of pebbles to work with.  There is a fairly flat pebble not too far back which looks as though it may have made a good base, however, as perfect as it appears on the visible surface, the sculptor chose not to use it, just as he chose not to include many of the other numerous rocks nearby. The choice of pebbles in creating the balanced result is like the choices I have to make in finding my own balance. Though something seems like it would add to the value or creation, I can't  include everything.  Have to make choices of what seems will work best together at any given time and leave other things to work on for another time.  Another thing that caught my attention was the water coming toward the shore.  At the moment it does not threaten the balance, but as time goes on it may or may not, depending on the changes in nature, shake or even topple the fragile balance that exists.  This is like the emotions, needs and choices of others in my life  Their moods or choices may threaten whatever balance I build and could come crashing upon me like an ocean wave, disturbing or changing the balance of sleep vs rest, freedom vs responsibilities, time for/with others vs time for own interests.  Like the stones, what I build may remain standing, inspiring someone else in the process or it may be washed away and I will need to rebuild from different materials or a new perspective. 
So I will take this opportunity to look at finding a new balance of responsibilities, work and time for self.   There will be less free play time allowed when I have four children here and more time in teaching them if the toys are not put away properly, it will take them longer to clean up.  Balance may involve putting out some cleaning charts as a reminder to myself of little things I can do in each day.  It will involve a refocus on getting the girls to sleep without grandma so I can have an extra half hour each evening to work on other things (writing, playing the piano or reading) which help me release and handle stress.  
I wish the reason for this reflection had never happened, but I am glad for the opportunity to reevaluate what does and doesn't work for me in keeping life in balance.  I am thankful I have skills and resources I can call upon to help me make choices which will work for me, in my unique circumstances.   
Although you may not have had a recent experience to cause you to reflect on the balance in your life, I encourage you to take the time now to look at how you too can improve the balance(s) in your life. 

Enjoying something simple

I found myself in a church meeting recently thinking about how something small and simple can make such a difference in our day.  It may not have even seemed important, but something or someone later made you realize a shift in your attitude or outlook on circumstances or situations.

For me, on that particular evening,  it was a three dollar ($3) pair of red patent leather open toed wedge pumps.  My granddaughter had needed to go shopping earlier for some pants she needed for work.  We decided to try a new thrift store which had recently opened near our home.  Having never been there before, I started to browse while she was trying on her clothes. I was looking to see what they had in open toed shoes, which are often hard to find.  Surprisingly I found a pair of nice looking red shoes in really good condition.   What was even more surprising was that they not only fit, but fit comfortably.  Although I had not planned on buying anything for myself, I kept them in my hand as I joined my granddaughter to pay for our purchases, rationalizing to myself that a few extra dollars would not make that much of a difference.   Later as I dressed for the meeting, I chose a skirt with a red, black and gray print, and slipped on the new shoes instead of the black shoes I normally wore with the outfit. I didn't think much about my appearance as the toddler asked for hugs and reverted to their usual tears because I  was leaving without them, again.   I hurried to get to the meeting and find a place to sit in the crowded chapel, ending up on the front row of the folded chairs for the overflow crowd.  It wasn't until after the opening song, the prayer and the first talk was concluded before I relaxed.  As I listened to the speaker I began to look around at the couples seated near me.  Being single, as often happens, I began to feel self-conscious, especially as I was seated near some couples, who I perceived from their clothing and shoes were probably much more financially stable than I am. I realized I was beginning to compare myself to others, which I know is not fair, especially to myself.  It was then I looked down, and suddenly my feeling of being less was gone.  I suddenly felt beautiful, accepted and the equal of everyone else there.

What was it that made the difference?  A simple pair of red shoes, purchased on a whim.  They were not scuffed up from kids stepping on them or playing dress up or being knocked down the stairs. .  They were not missing pieces of rubber from the heels because they had been worn daily for months at a time because I had chosen to buy shoes for others in the family instead of myself.  .  They were not just something I had thrown on as I walked out the door, but something which complimented what I was wearing,   In that moment I felt proud of the way I looked.  I was glad I had chosen to spend something on myself without guilt.  In that moment I felt loved.  I felt like I deserved to feel special. 

That moment was a reminder that it doesn't take much to make a difference in a life, whether it be your own or someone else's.  It was also a reminder to appreciate and notice the simple little things we do for ourselves and others. What may seem small may actually be the very thing that makes a difference in how someone feels about themselves, their surroundings, their choices or their life. 

What have you done that seems simple?  What simple thing could you enjoy right now? 

What was I thinking?

Do you ever have days where you ask yourself "What was I thinking?"  I seem to be having a lot of those days lately.

I love the two great grandchildren I adopted, but when they are running around, as 4 and 5 year olds do I wonder.   When they are resisting going to sleep and jumping on the bed instead of lying down, while I am exhausted from a full day at work, cooking, cleaning and meeting various family needs, I sometimes wonder what I was thinking, but then I get a goodnight kiss or someone has to hold my hand in order to go to sleep, and I know I was thinking of them, not me, the love we have and the things I thought only I could give them. 

I know a daughter needs me to watch her children so she can work her unusual shifts, but sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I agreed.     When I have four children ages four to nine running from one room to another I wonder. When I am fixing the latest thing that got broken because of the combination of children playing together or not respecting the rules I find myself asking, why I thought I could have a nice home as long as I have so many young children playing in every room.   I not only question my own expectations but what others expect of me. Of course, a lot of things have changed, some on her end and some on my own since we agreed I would help, which is when it comes to the end is what the thought was - helping. 

What was I thinking when I took a cut in hours and pay a few years ago? At the time it didn't seem like a big deal,  it was only $5000 a year difference.  Now the difference is over $11,000 (almost a year's worth of mortgage payments or the payoff of my car).  I was thinking it was better to have a well paying shorter hour job than a full time job with less benefits or salary.  I was thinking the same thing I think about now, the trade off of money versus the schedule which allows for
medical appointments and meeting family needs. I am still thankful for the blessing it so often is.

I guess my point is, for me, that when I question myself and sometimes ask "What was I thinking?" , upon reflection I find that the decision was not made without thought and there is always a blessing within if I take the time to look.  I wonder what you find when you stop to ask

2017 - Time for Revival

The New Year, 2017, has begun with a bang.  One of the things this year offers is the chance for revival. 

It is time to revive passions, interests and dreams.  It is time to reinvigorate creative desires and abilities.  It is time to restore a passion for living, whether I am choosing to live day to day, week to week or month to month. It is time to resurrect saved manuals, books and articles full of guidance and advice.  It is time to re-establish daily rituals/routines so life can move along smoother.  It is time to put back into place boundaries in relationships, work, time management and expectations, of self and others.  It is time to energize promises I want to keep. 

Among the things to restore is this space.  I began sharing after I had seen others I respected and admired reaching out via the internet to share their lives.    Just when I could (or should) have been sharing more about the challenges of parenting following the addition of two children to our home, priorities got jumbled due to the increased demands of working with social workers and agencies, supporting the parents, the legalities and process of adoption, working to support a larger family and caring for two very active demanding toddlers and a teenager faced with all the decisions, challenges and growth of attending high school.    What spare time I did find I used to post a few thoughts on another blog, “Bridge of Skills” or promote my book by the same name. 

The beginning of a new year fell right behind moving from one home and city to another.  Among the comments I have heard from people in our former area and people I am meeting in our new living area is that they wish they knew me better, and as they learn more about me, the question of whether I have ever considered sharing my experiences and inspiration with others.  The answer is yes, I have, and it is time to do it again.   

So, for those who have known me before, and allowed me to share with you in the past, I ask you to forgive my absence and hope you will again look forward to reading the thoughts of someone who is just like you.  For those who are new, I hope you will feel love, encouragement and value as we journey through life together.   

START- A little differently

I recently had someone recommend a book to me that had to do with becoming an entrepreneur or having faith in yourself to follow your dream.   The book was called "The Power of Starting Something Stupid"  by Richie Norton.    Part of what caught my attention in hearing more about this book, was his use of the word START.  In his book he shares the idea that part of the process it to Serve, Thank, Ask, Receive and Trust. 
I was impressed with the ideas as working together, but didn't write them down at the time.  When I finally did take the time I found I had rearranged the 5 words in a slightly different order.  My first thought when I realized I had done this was to think I had a bad memory, but as I thought more about why I had written it differently.  On reflection I found that right now I do often go through these steps in something I may involve myself in.  I also found instances where in giving advice I have encouraged someone to follow this pattern.  So here is some of my thoughts on the anagram START.
Share-  Share your ideas, Share your thoughts, Share your talents,  Share of yourself through service, Share your wealth or good fortune, Share the experience, Share your feelings, Share the challenges
Trust-   Trust yourself,  Trust Others, Trust that things will work out, Trust that guidance and inspiration will come at the right time,  Trust in a spiritual source, Trust your feelings, Trust your intuition
Ask- Ask your spiritual source, Ask those you trust, Ask yourself what else you could do,  Ask to forgive (yourself or others), Ask for patience or strength,  Ask to learn, Ask to grow, Ask for help
Receive-  Receive graciously, Receive from others, Receive without expectation, Receive the unexpected, Receive what you asked for, Receive and notice,  Receive and then pass it on
Thank-  Thank a giver, Thank the universe,  Thank yourself for trying once more, Be thankful for lessons learned,  Express Thanks everyday,  Look for something to be thankful for,  Thank someone unexpectedly,  Be thankful for life itself,  Be thankful for the little things and stop looking for the big event, 
This list is far from complete.  I am sure you can add to it from your own experiences. You may even decide this list is still not right.  You may find it even changes.    I know I  have. , Yesterday as I was thinking about someone I cared about my START  list was Serve, Trust, Act, Receive, Thank.    Another day in thinking about setting goals my START list became Set Goal, Time Limit, Act, Review, Think Again.   
As I have said before, there are usually not any right or wrong answers or ideas.  What is yours is unique.  So come up with your own START point(s) and take a step toward a great you. 

Beautiful - But Use Caution

 

I was going through pictures my granddaughter had uploaded from our recent vacation to Oregon.  This particular picture was taken at the Aquarium just south of Newport, Oregon.  For some reason this really caught my eye as something very peaceful and calming.  It certainly was something I spent several minutes watching while I was there, and I was glad she had taken the time to capture it on film. 

This evening as I reflected on these seemingly fragile creatures, I was awed again by their elegant beauty as they float along with such ease, inviting anyone or anything to draw nearer to investigate them further or be apart of their casual way of being free and just moving along slowly, unhurried, unstressed, free of cares.  Yet as inviting as they appear, it is good to remember that the beautiful, fine tendrils can be very deadly if one draws too near or ventures to touch them.

I couldn't help but think about how often life is much like these jelly fish.  We watch from afar, envying the ease with which we perceive others receive blessing, riches or what we might consider the good things of life.  From a distance we watch, wishing we could live the life they do, wanting to join them or be a part of their group, or enjoy the personal or financial freedom we think they have.   But get closer and sometimes we can get stung or hurt.  We may find they are less than honest and what you think they earned they took by taking advantage of others.   It may appear as though they are coasting through life happy and carefree but when we get closer we find they are lonely or fearful.  Just as the jelly fish immobilize their victims, these people's  depression zaps our personal reserves of energy, enjoyment or gifts until we feel completely drained and empty, unable to cope as we have done in the past.  Then like the jellyfish, once we are immobilized and they have taken from us all they can, they float on as though we were never there, leaving us to hopefully find a way to heal as they sting someone else who dares to come near.  Yet as we heal, we learn the greatest lessons.  Life is not always as it seems.  Sometimes what appears good is not. What appears enticing can be dangerous or deadly.    Be cautious of getting too near or rushing ahead too fast before we know what may happen.  Finally, sometimes what seems tragic brings insight and growth. 
May we all enjoy the beautiful things that surround us and that we come near.  May we learn to use caution and wisdom in our relationships.  May we enjoy many of the things we see without the need to be closer or be a part of.  My we be happy to sometimes just sit back and watch the beauty of life as it happens and feel joy when it appears to be good for others.  




 

I Can Handle Everything…

(Shared from www.bridgeofskills.blogspot.com)

These are the first few words of a quote a friend gave me one day at the office on a day we were both handling a number of unusual client and administrative requests.

“I can handle everything life throws at me. I can either handle it well or handle it bad; either way I have to handle it. “

I can’t see anything but truth in this thought. It is really a very empowering statement for anyone. As life comes along, whether it drags or seems to be speeding along, we each get to handle it. What we receive may be something big, demanding our highest level of attention and efforts or so small we handle it so quickly we hardly notice it was there.

We may not even handle similar life events or recurring situations the same way each time, yet somehow we handle it each time. Sometimes we handle what life gives us with a smile, sometimes with a groan and occasionally with deep emotion, but we handle it. Most times we walk away with the knowledge we were at our best and successful while occasionally we walk away wishing we could have done more or found a better way to handle the moments. No matter how it is measured on the spectrum, we did handle it. We handled it, made it through and stood ready for the next thing life was preparing.

Thankfully, we do not always have to handle life alone. Along with everything life throws us to handle, life also throws us friends, family and teachers that can aid us. We may still handle the majority of things life throws us on our own terms, in our own way, based on our our own experiences but we are better armed than we might have otherwise been because of the people life put in place for us to reach out to, lean on or on a rare occasion even hand the problem to and trust they can handle it for us.

I encourage everyone to realize that no matter what life throws at us, whether it is something we look forward to and prepare for something that takes us completely by surprise, we can handles. We are naturally armed with everything we need.  The only variable is whether we handle it well, alright or less than perfectly.  In the end we will handle it in some way.