Insecurity - Should I Worry or Trust Myself?

I have a co-worker  who is planning a trip to our corporate office in Boston, Massachusetts.  I have had numerous co-workers make a similar trip, wished them well and actually been excited for them.  It can be a great trip.  The one time I was privileged to journey back there, I had a wonderful time.  As I am not a social body, eager to find the most fantastic restaurant or the best entertainment, I enjoyed time alone being able to write some thoughts which seemed exciting to me at the time.  So why am I not feeling excitement and joy for this co-worker to visit Bean Town , enjoy the sights or mingle with other co-workers?

The reason is my own insecurity and lack of trust in her presentation of matters she has voiced concerns about.  In her mind, she may feel she is offering assistance, but it doesn't seem to feel that way to me.  I know, it is just my perception of her and my personal reaction to her comments, yet I find myself dreading the results she could create by talking about her concerns and beliefs of how I should be running the office, what a caring company should be doing for their employees, or what we are doing as an office or team that should be changed, how or by whom.

So, I find myself checking my trust level with myself and others I work closely with.  Do I trust that I could defend my skills, knowledge, abilities, choices and work ethic if they are challenged by something this co-worker may say or misrepresent based on her own beliefs, attitudes or work expectations?  I find myself checking my trust level with the corporate people I work with which this co-worker will be interacting or communicating with.  I hope I have created trust and a relationship with them which will allow them to be supportive of me, my work, actions, decisions and business ethics, allowing them to listen with understanding without reacting or making changes based only on her comments which may differ from the way I may have presented or communicated the same situation or concern. 

I know I am an asset to the organization and what I do has value.  My interactions with clients is often just as important, and sometimes much more delicate in balance, than other team members in the office.  I know I am an asset to the organization in the way I have and do interact with other team members in our office and offer support, encouragement and suggestions.  I know I am valued as someone who is dependable and steady, yet flexible enough to be called on to take on new duties and able to handle changes and challenges with a great attitude.   This knowledge and confidence is what I will hold onto during the next few weeks.

My answer to the question is this - I Will Trust Myself and Others.  I will trust myself that during the next two weeks my efforts, abilities and knowledge will be proven to others.  I will trust that I will make a personal list of subjects, based on local co-worker comments or concerns, which I may need to be prepared to discuss after this particular co-worker's visit to the corporate office,  I will trust the knowledge, experience and skills of corporate managers and owners to know what is pertinent or not pertinent to the well being of the local office as well as the overall company.  

I will hope that you also can make the same decision.  Trust yourself.  Trust those who know you well.  Trust your abilities, learned skills, knowledge and ethics will be noticed and appreciated.  Trust in the abilities, knowledge, ethics and beliefs of those who have an influence on your life.   Lastly, trust, as I will be, that the best will be the end result. 

No Mistake- He Knew What I Would Need

My Heavenly Father knows me so well. He knew what was coming, the choices someone else would make that would suddenly change a number of the lives of those that are dear to me in ways we would have never imagined. He knew that I would need to handle the knowledge I would be entrusted with in a manner of peace, calm and love. He knew I would need to know I could trust him to care for those I love in his own way and to not rush into any decision or make any judgements that could affect a number testimonies of his forgiveness. The Lord knew I would need to share my own testimony many times over the next few weeks to come, and strengthened me with the knowledge that he will not give me more than he knows I am capable of bearing.

When the bomb was dropped in my lap this week, I listened to the story and knew when I left the person that shared with me was now better prepared to handle whatever came next knowing she was not alone and that someone understood her pain and cared about her worries. In the midst of hearing the reason for the pain in this person's life and the others she cared about, I knew that I was led to a particular blog recently because of the subject matters of the story the writer was sharing. The strongest messages in the story are that no family is perfect, that love and understanding is vital to all relationships, and that healing is found through our Savior, Jesus Christ, when we are humble. As I went home that night I was filled with questions, but I was also filled with a knowledge that the Lord had prepared me to look at this through a different light. My first thoughts were not of how to confront the people involved in anger, but how to share my love and testimony with them. As the story was told, I was reminded of the pain of one of the characters, and my own anger and disgust was replaced by compassion for the person I held most responsible in the real life situation unfolding into my lap through sobs of sorrow and fear. I thought of another character in the story and remembered to not make any judgements, but to love and listen, knowing the Lord knows and loves each of the family members involved on a level I can not possibly understand. My part right now is to teach acceptance and understanding, patience and peace, and most of all to share my love and my testimony with these dear ones.

My Father in Heaven knew what could possibly be coming and over the past few weeks has been helping me to prepare. He has blessed me with a desire to reorganize, and to take charge of an area of my home that has not been used for a while. I know now that he has been preparing me for the choice being made today. My father in Heaven knew that one of the choices would affect everyone in my home, and has been strengthening me and giving me resolve in how to better handle some of my family relationships so that with his help previous reasons for conflict will be lessened or softened. I believe my Father in Heaven knew what was drawing near and provided me additional help with one member of my family so I can have enough inspiration and energy to support other family members who will need my attention and understanding as we make transitions and adjustments in schedules, responsibilities and interactions.

I know my Father in Heaven knows me. I know he loves me and prepares me in silent ways for the challenges and opportunities, the sorrows and joys of life. It is no mistake, he knows what I need and will prepare the way. I know I must trust him more and speak to him more often in prayer. I know I must attune my life to his will, and he will guide me in the choices I make. I know at this time that he will assist me in reaching out in the perfect way to each of my loved ones whether through a hug, a letter, a phone call or a visit, for I know with a surety that he will prepare their hearts to accept the truth of my unconditional love for them. It is no mistake- I know he knows.