Life insisted - I needed to rest

 Last Friday I bent down to pick up something off the floor and somehow hurt my back.  It almost felt like something in my back, near my left shoulder popped. I couldn't move at all for a few minutes and cried in pain.  Then I struggled to move and realized, I couldn't use or move my left arm away from the side of my body or even move without wanting to cry or scream.  I had my daughter bring me a scarf from my bedroom and together we fashioned a sling for my arm so it wouldn't move and was supported, relieving some pressure in my shoulder.   I spent the rest of the day and evening in bed, propped up on a pillow, wondering whether I should call someone to take me to the emergency room.  In the end I went to sleep early and called a daughter the next morning to take me to the Insta-Care for x-rays
.  Luckily nothing was broken, and I probably just pulled a muscle.  Since I could not move my arm more than an inch or two from my side, the doctor gave me information on how to contact a physical therapist and sent me back home.  On the way home I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up some pain relief patches, and when I got home took another daughter up on the use of a heating pad.  I spent the rest of the weekend in bed, with pain patches on my back and a heating pad wrapped around my shoulder and behind my back.  By Monday I was able to be up and around, I could move my arm several inches away from my body and dress myself without help or extreme pain.   I have continued throughout the week with the patches and heating pad and each day it seems I can move a little easier without as much pain.  

The reason I tell you this, is to express my gratitude.  I guess life decided I needed a few days of rest and relaxation.  Since I wasn't doing it on my own, it found a way to force me to listen.  How often do we, or at least I know I do, focus on other people or concerns around us instead of caring for ourselves or giving ourselves permission to just chill out and relax.  I thought I was doing a good job.  After all I have been wasting time on Facebook reels lately, and even took myself to a movie alone.   So. I express gratitude for an injury which wasn't serious, but painful enough to make me pause my everyday activities and take time for some needed rest. (Daily naps for 3 days.)  I am grateful for unplanned time to think about my writing efforts of late.   I am grateful for those people in my life that were willing to serve and take care of me for those few days, for their patience and understanding.  I am grateful that I have given them skills they could use to care for themselves and for me.  

I Love This Quote

Found on Pnterest

While looking for a friend who has encouraged me in the past to try more writing experiences, I came across this quote.  This really hit home because so often this is exactly what happens when I have done some of my best writing.  I simply start writing, not knowing what is going to end up on the page until I done.  More often than not, it is exactly what I need to express or share.  More often than not it is exactly what someone else needs to hear, feel or know.  

I love to write when the words just flow freely and easily without thought about what is to come next.  It is the best form of writing.  I find that when I write this way the words seem to flow from my heart through the pen to the page where it then flows from the page to the readers heart or mind.  The flow isn't rushed or forced or swift.  The flow of thought is gentle, slow and refreshing.  

Right now I have several longer stories that keep coming to my mind.   One of these stories I have several chapters in place, but haven't written anything for a while.  On another I started, I was very excited about what I wanted the story to be about and who I was writing it for, but once started, it doesn't seem to be going as well as I would like.  A third story I started a few years ago has a few chapters I feel good about yet I haven't added anything else for almost a year.   As I read this quote, I understand why I feel like things are not going where I would like.  I have had well meaning friends and mentors who have told me about this book or that book on how to write a novel.  I have had found books that suggest how to write better.  Many of the books I have purchased on my Kindle this last year are from other writers who talk about the importance of developing the right plot, characters, scenes, descriptive balance and genre.  The more I read, the less I find I write freely and passionately.  I find myself planning what should happen instead of just letting it happen. 

So I express gratitude for finding this quote.  Before the day is over, I will print out a copy I can post on a wall or door or tape to my computer as a reminder to let go of striving for something I think should be and allow myself to get back to writing without thought.  I promise to share with you the surprises that come. 

Loving Parenting

 
Being a parent is not something anyone can adequately express in words, either spoken or written. Parenting is something that is as different and as unique for each parent as their child is unique from anyone else.   The most we can do as parents is to learn to love the moments, both good and bad, finding a way to  express our gratitude for the opportunity of being a parent.  I doesn't mother whether we call ourselves a mother or a father, there are some things we find we may have in common.   We struggle to find a balance between being able to provide unconditional love and being able to teach children what we want to know and love.  We try to find a balance between the moments of joy, fear, frustration and hope.  We experience a mix of memorable moments we never want to lose, confusion regarding the reason for certain behaviors and words and minutes in time we wish we could take back or forget ever occurred. 

Sometime as the years follow one after another we realize we are growing and learning at the same rate as our children.  They, as they grow decide whether they like being a child or want to grow up faster than we would desire.  We, as parents, also grow to decide if we like being a parent or can't wait for the time of childhood to disappear

For myself, I have found that I loved and still want to enjoy the opportunity of being a parent.  This decision to love being a parent, whether the times appear good or bad to myself or others, has helped me weather the storms of many family moments and choices my children have made.   It is because this decision has made such a difference for me in getting through some rough hours and days of parenthood, that I wanted to encourage others to find their own way to love being a parent, the ups the downs and the smooth paths in-between. 

"Loving Parenting" is a short book written with that hope of encouraging other parents to look at how they view their experience called parenting, and decide for themselves if they feel that loving the adventure will make a difference for them.  Some people may have made the decision years ago but because of changing circumstance need a friendly reminder of how to get back on track or begin anew.   

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00FCGVEMU

Blessed with Sisters

I am so blessed to have two sisters, both of whom I love dearly.  Unfortunately because of daily life responsibilities, work, family obligations, health and distance we do not always get to see and talk to each other as often as we would like.   I cherish any time I get to spend with either of them.  

Last night I had the opportunity to sit and talk with my youngest sister at her new home.  I met the new man in her life and listened as she shared the new direction her life is moving  We shared a few memories of the past and reflected on lessons learned.  As usual, hours came and went unnoticed or marked until it was late and we reluctantly had to call our current time together to an end.  Hugging each other in parting I couldn't help but feel the warmth of love.  We may not reach out to each other as often as we like, but when we do, we walk away enriched, sustained and with renewed knowledge of who we are. 

On the drive home I thought about the opportunity I had just a few weeks ago to visit with my other sister as I drove her from the airport to our parent's home.  We shared happenings, concerns and hopes for family members, shared some memories and reflected on the importance of beliefs and choices in life.  As always, our time together was not long enough before time nudged to let us know we needed to refocus on life around us again.  So with a hug and kiss we separated comforted by the knowledge we are not alone in our beliefs, thoughts or struggles and we each have strengths, talents and love we can call upon to carry us through life until we speak or meet again. 

My thoughts about my sisters and the ways they each touch my life in different ways are what I am blessed to start this day with.  I know keeping these in mind I will walk lighter, find enlightenment and look for opportunities and meaningful moments throughout the day. 

Gladly Changing Profile

Since I have not posted much this last year and presently don't have many followers, I have not thought about my profile until this morning.  It still remains simple and short for the time being, however I realized I needed to change the numbers it reflected.

•  I get to change the number of grandchildren I have from 8 to 11.  My oldest daughter remarried, and I now have the chance to claim another 3 as grandchildren.  
•  I added a + to the number of grandchildren to represent a special couple adoptive couple whom I love in the same way and are always in my thoughts along with the others. 
• I changed the number of great-grandchildren to 3, because a new little angel was added this weekend.  
• The + great-grandchildren represent the son of the adoptive couple, because he is in my prayers as much as his adopted sister, and for another little angel my granddaughter is expecting in April.  

I feel so blessed this morning as I reflect on all the special spirits the Lord has allowed me to have in my life and call my family. Each one of them have something they represent to me and each one teaches me about and assists me in appreciating life in a variety of ways.  The talents and abilities of the older ones inspire me and remind me to keep improving my own life and reach for goals that I may have never considered before.  The exuberance and innocence of the younger ones help me remember to appreciate the simple things in life, to enjoy the small moments of life that are over too quickly, to love unconditionally and to be humble.  The extended members are there to remember that love doesn't always have to be spoken to be be given or received.  Sometimes love is sent through a thought or a prayer and sent with faith that they will know and feel it around them and their hearts will touched.   

/So as I close his quick post, I acknowledge the gifts and blessings of family which I enjoy.  These gifts I hold precious in my heart. These members of my family I carry in my thoughts and prayers each day,   I send my love to them through action, deeds, words and sometimes silence hopes.   I step back and let them live, yet stand ready to hold them or even hold them up when the time is right.  I trust the Lord to watch over them and bless them as he had blessed me.   

Mini-Vacations- I Love Them

Wow!  I have just enjoyed another "Mini-Vacation" (as my granddaughter and I refer to them.) I recommend them highly to everyone I know and love.   We take them at least once or twice a year. They are called mini-vacations because they do not last more than one or two nights (the mini portion) but they are a chance to get away from home for some activities, swimming, and just quiet thinking time (the vacation portion).  Occasionally we plan ahead, saving the money, but like this weekend, often they are a last minute decision to just escape and runaway from problems, pressures and work.
My 12 year-old granddaughter, Alex, has been suggesting we take a mini+vacation for several weeks. It seems that everytime I seem open to the idea, she ends up doing soething else with someone else, a friend, a parent, ad church group, etc.  She ends up off somewhere else, and I end up staying home to clean or relax on my own or finding my time filled with other grandchildren, responsibilities or projects which seem to pop up unexpectedly. I have thought about running-away on my own for some recreation of my own, but generally decide to use the money another way or save it and wait, knowing that the right time will come eventually. 
So yesterday afternoon I decided, this weekend would be great.  It was Alex's last day of school for the year.  I had attended an short, but emotionally draining meeting concerning her brother earlier in the week.  Even though my hours at work were decreased recently, I had during the week been handed additional duties and responsibilities.  I had also learned during the week that a health issue I had been having would best be handled with surgery which would leave it's own problems, and would require several weeks off work.  It was a time to celebrate, and a time to let go of worries and pressures.  So I called one of our favorite hotels in town and made a reservation for a two night stay, and left a message at home for Alex to start packing for us.  (Alex likes the pool in this hotel, the amenities, such as a hair dryer, microwave and refrigeratore, and I like the room arrangement, such as a table for writing or painting and a separate seating area with a couch and chair.)
Of course, like most vacations, flexibility is important, whether it is a long trip or a short overnight jaunt.  Planning is great, but you can't  expect everything to look or be a certain way.  Things happen simply because you are part of a loving family, and because of things you have taught your children to be or do.  Alex was excited to go on the long awaited vacation, but I had forgotten about a birthday party she had planned to attend. She was willing to just drop off a hand-made card, and give up her time with friends, but I knew this party was important to her, and being a good friend seemed to me a little more important at the time than just hanging out with family.   So the first night, which I had envisioned as the 2 of us at a movie, going to dinner, taking a late night swim and staying up to watch a movie together didn't happen.  Instead, we went to the store, bought her a gift to take to the party, grabbed a quick bite at a fast food restaurant, and while she went to the party I went to the hotel (only about 10 miles away) alone to check in, watch a movie and unpack, then back to our house to pick her up after the party, bring her to the hotel where she immediately fell into bed exhausted.  
Our next day was busy. We slept in an extra hour or two, dressed for the day, and went downstairs to enjoy the free breakfast buffet our chosen restaurant offers guests each morning.  Since this was a holiday weekend, and the hotel was filled, there were no open clean tables, so we took our trays back to our room and ate at the table in our room as though we had ordered room service.    I suggested a movie I knew Alex wanted to see at a local theater, and asked if she would like to go skating, something she enjoys but doesn't get to do often.  She was thrilled. Since the theatre and skating wouldn't open for another hour or so, we chose to go to the nearby mall and window shop.  The plan was to just look around, but we ended up buying new summer sandals for each of us, and enjoyed purchasing some jewelry and hair accessories to wear for the upcoming 4th of July and other activities.  The food court provided us with our favorite choices of food to enjoy before heading for the skating and movie center.   Since we were open to whatever worked, we didn't plan which was to be first the skating or the movie, so when we found out, we had missed the first posted showtime, we asked about the later show.  However, though the previews were almost over the movie had not started yet, so we bought the tickets and hurried into the theatre, sitting down just as the opening scene was beginning.  So we enjoyed a great movie together.  After the movie we walked to the other end of the building where Alex rented some skates and I found a comfortable bench to sit on where I could watch her and where I could sit and read a good book I had grabbed from home which I wanted to enjoy again.  An hour or so later, Alex was ready to go back to the hotel and enjoy what she likes most about the hotel, the swimming pool, full sized, heated and not usually too crowded to actually be able to actually swim if you want to.  By the time I made some phone calls and joined her, we had the pool to ourselves.  We both enjoyed racing and swimming hard, not just splashing around.  We had invited Alex's mother to join us, but she and her boyfriend had a full day planned, but wanted to have some time with Alex.  They arrived at the hotel as Alex and I were swimming, but couldn't stay for long.  We returned to our room.  Alex dressed, gathered her clothes for that night and the next day from the suitcase, and left to go with her mom for dinner and to spend the night. 
Although I had originally planned on Alex spending the second night with me, it was fine that I got this second night alone.  I could relax alone and spend some time remembering and thinking about the blessings I have that always, when recognized and noticed, always overwhelm and are greater than any perceived struggle or problem that may seem to be overpowering at the moment.  Being alone I could reflect on past and present and recognize that life just keeps going on and that for the most part, mine is pretty wonderful, with many things that simply happen and can too often be taken for granted, but are really small miracles and deserve to be recognized with gratitude. 
A good night's rest, brought me to my final morning of vacation.  A long leisurely bubble bath seemed the ideal way to start the day.  Plenty of time this morning to fix my hair and put on a little extra makeup and nail polish.  The breakfast area was less crowded, so I was able to sit at a table near the window, enjoy the scenery and eat a leisurely meal.  Back upstairs, I packed everything up, did a little writing, and enjoyed a cold drink. 
All too soon, it was time to check out.  Loading the car and preparing to go to church meetings, and return home to my everyday surroundings, responsibilities and challenges of life, I found I was already mentally planning another trip, sooner rather than later.  It was another moment to express gratitude that I am able to enjoy these mini-vacations, even if it sometimes means juggling financial items around, I am able to create these moments in time to renew, refresh, regroup, refocus and reconnect with myself and family members.  Others may talk about their great vacations to distant lands, their cruises, their tours, the productions they have seen or concerts and parties they attended before returning feeling refreshed.  I am happy for them, and rejoice in their excitement.  As for me, I think I will keep looking forward to and enjoying my simple little mini-vacations.

In Perspective With Gratitude

I just read on FaceBook that my sister had gone through our mother's music, organized it and downsized what was there.  My heart skipped a few beats, I went emotionally into panic mode, and fear.  All I could hope was it was only the music that mom used for teaching her piano students and not all the old pieces in the cabinet, some of which to me would be irreplaceable. 
There is a lot of music mom has that is much more than just a sheet of notes.  Much of her music is tied in with memories and precious moments and sounds that cannot be recreated and never forgotten.  There is music in the cabinet that is older than I am, older than my parents even, yet I love more than anything that is new.  There is music in the cabinet that were favorites of my uncles, aunts, cousins, parents and grandparents.  To me the music in the cabinet cannot be downsized.  It can be shared among the family, cherished and kept for new generations to learn and love, but never given away.  For almost every piece in the cabinet has a story, a person or a time attached to it.  Mother's whole life history can be chronicled through the music that is or should be in that cabinet.  Even some of the music that was probably on the shelf with her piano teaching books should be added to the cabinet, for it is part of he.r later life and what music has played an important part her later life.   
My sisters and I have often talked about the time when we would all sit down together and go through the music.  We have even discussed different pieces that are important to each of us and how hard it could be to decide, when the same song is important to each of us, who would be the keeper of the music sheets and who would keep only the memories.  I have always kept that time as far away, and my sister's post made me look at how quickly the years are passing and how the times we think are far away can become here and now in a fraction of a second.
Until my sister's post about the music, I had not let the knowledge that mom's accident could have been fatal hit my heart and mind, or allow the tears to flow slowly down.  I have thanked the Lord that it was not more serious than it is and that she is alive, but had not let the feeling of loss do anymore than quickly pass through. Yet the thought that we could be going through the music right now anyway, without Mom still here, really hit me hard.  I was so grateful that my sister could have the opportunity to go through the music, organize it and downsize some of it as an effort to make things easier for mother in the next few weeks and months, and hopefully many more years.   I was so grateful we as a family were not sorting through the music to make it easier on dad because having all the music there is too much of a reminder of mother for him to handle.  With perspective, the loss of a few sheets of music was far better than the loss of everything my mother is my life. 
So instead of feeling panic that my sister is going through the music, and wondering what she kept or didn't, or what she will take home with her,  I will send her my love, my encouragement and a prayer that she will be inspired in her choices.  I will pray that as she goes through the music, she will be surrounded by all the people from the other side of the veil that know and love the music, and that they will inspire her choices of what to keep or how to organize it so it can be shared with love.  I will pray that as she and mother go through the music, that they will feel surrounded by love from those here on this earth and those that are waiting for mother to join them in heaven.  Music has been a thread through so many generations, and this music represents the thread that can be unwound for many more generations to come.
In perspective, now is the perfect time to be going through mother's music, and share it again. I am grateful for the chance to have mother here to bless it's passage.  I pray that I will take the time as I review the sheets of notes, that I will write down the memories, the history and the love of each one special to me so my children and grandchildren will know why music is so much a part of my life and who I am or what I have become.  

Moment by Moment

This morning I want to thank my higher source for my ability at times to simply move from moment to moment without thought. I have learned in my home to take life moment by moment for I never know what the next moment will bring. I have to trust myself that all the parenting, spiritual and natural abilities will come into play without having to stop and ask myself what tools or lessons I am going to use, for seldom is there time to ponder on what to do.
It is probably a cliche' but a true one that sometimes one day is longer than another. I know in reality each day has the same number of minutes, but one day seems to move so quickly, time flies and moments blend together in rhythm and balance. Then there are days that seem to last forever or seem will never end, filled with moments of crisis, decisions, teaching, patience, forgiveness, guidance and responsibility. Why do days seem so different? The difference is in how I move from moment to moment, how I use the moments as they come along and who those moments are spent with.
Moments and minutes are not always the same. Every day has exactly 1,440 minutes to use. However every day does not have the same number of moments for a moment is not measured by time. A moment doesn't just pass, it occurs. A moment requires you to be present in some way for it to be. A moment can last from a few seconds to minutes, for it is the experiences or happening that defines it, not the time it lasts.
I feel blessed that the other evening I was able to move from moment to moment for most of the night with patience and faith in myself that whatever I did or said would be right in that moment There were a few moments, like when I allowed frustration and anger to appear in myself that I questioned whether I would handle the next moment correctly, but I realize that the frustration was what allowed me the strength to be firm in the next moment of confrontration and the anger gave me the desire to stand up for others in the following moment. I had to move from moment to moment without planning for between Cathy, Alex and Antonio there was to no time to think between the demands and experiences of the moments. What someone chose in one moment affected others in the next or required my presence in some way. One moment I had to decide how to deal with a 15 year old boy throwing a destructive temper tantrum and then comfort the hurt adult who is only trying to love this boy in-spite of the abuse she receives because of her efforts. One moment I needed to be firm and set a limit with an oppositional teen and the next I had to be silent as he packed to run away from home because he didn't think he should be asked to do what he was. As he stormed out the door, the moment was filled with questions and worries from those who loved him and I had to call on faith and hope, then the next moment decide which of two options would be the best use of my time, but before I could finish the project chosen, the boy returned and I my moment was filled with tears, anger and his words of despair and failure. Then on to create a new moment of caring and tenderness, filled with understanding of his pain, while showing him he could look at the same instances that were causing him pain and find the love and support that has always surrounded him. His life may not be what he would like it to be, but it so much better than he could ever have dreamt it to be. The difference is in how he chooses to look at the momement or what he chooses to focus on from the moments of his life. Then I got to move from the moments of understanding and connection to a moment of power struggle and then on to a moment of truce and then to moments of sharing things totally unrelated to the events of the earlier evening. Later moments flowed from moments of explanation to moments of request and on to to final moments of a 10 year olds day as she shared how much she loved her brother, but sometimes she had different feeleings, and how bad she felt when she had those moments of thought.
Moments moving are all too often not appreciated or recognized. I sometimes get so busy looking for an answer to my prayers of knowing how to handle or change something that I don't see my prayer is already being answered in how I am blessed in simply following inspiration, staying or creating peace and harmony amidst chaos, confusion and anger. Like others I am looking for a miracle to occur when what I really need is already being given to me moment by moment without my being aware I am being given the miracles in experiencing peace, patience, understanding, gratitude, forgiveness, strength, tolerance, love and countless more gifts and abilities.
Again, I express gratitude today for the moments of my life. I may not appreciate them all as they happen, but I know I am given them as a gift. How I choose to look at the moments as good or bad is up to me, for they have happened and continue to be given freely to use. I acknowledge that I receive far more than I am ever aware of or could express.