Backing Up Not Giving Up

There are times when it seems that no matter where you think you are going, you end up back in the same place, facing the same challenges. You find you are tired of trying. You may feel like you have tried it all and there is nothing new. You may even feel like there is no point in trying anymore.

During the past few weeks I have experienced all those feelings. I thought we were moving forward with a family member, hope was feeling close, although doubts were prevalent. Then it happened. An event occurred which was all too familiar, leaving behind the certainty that now was not the time to make the anticipated move. More work, communication and insight need to take place.

So with the feelings of discouragement, failure and frustration, and arguments with other family members over the situation, there came a time for choice. Do I just admit defeat and give up? Do I walk away and just say forget it? Do I just let someone else, who thinks they can do it better, just take over and forget all I have done? NO! I do not just Give Up. (Besides case workers and therapists insisted I couldn't do that.) The answer is to Back Up.

Backing up is completely different than giving up. Backing up means being willing to move rather than just be still. It means I get to choose differently than I have been. It means the family member involved may get less of what it is he thinks he wants until he earns it. Backing up means reevaluation of what has been given, and whether to continue to give as before or go back to the beginning and start fresh. Backing up means letting go of co-dependent actions and thoughts, admitting they were either taken advantage of or not appreciated anyway. Backing up means taking a more honest look at myself and the situation and not rationalizing or looking for something that may not be real, but was believed by rationalizing about or excusing other factors. Backing up is saying "no" to putting the perceived needs and wishes of others before the genuine needs and wishes of my own. Backing up means learning more, learning something new or opening myself up to just receiving knowledge and inspiration.

I am not choosing to Give Up. I am choosing to Back Up. I choose to not stand still or cower in grief but to take a step, even though it may appear to be sideways or backwards from the goal I had before. I choose to let old goals and beliefs float away and to capture new goals, beliefs and knowledge. I choose to grow not wither, to reach not stoop, and to have faith not discouragement.
I will not Give UP. I will Back Up and Move Forward Again