Why Is This So Different?

I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the past days, weeks and months as I raise the youngest two children in my home.   As a single parent, I already raised my own five children.  Then I chose to take on the care and responsibility for three of my grandchildren.  Now I am starting over by raising two more children.   One might think since I have done it once, the second or third time should be a breeze.  Which, I guess, is why this question comes up so often.  I did it before, so why does it seem so hard? Why is this so different than last time? 

The answer is simple. Everything is different.    My financial situation is different.  My housing situation has changed several times over the years.  The support of family and/or family members is different. Former health and wellness concerns for me and others have been replaced by new medical and counseling needs.   The demands on my time have not remained the same through all the years.   Employment, hours and expectations have not remained constant.  Ways of dealing with stress or discouragement may be managed in a more or less effective manner.  Actions, thoughts and choices may have shifted in their level of priority or importance to me or someone else.   Relationships have certainly changed through out the years.  The expectations of society have changed over time.  Most importantly, no two children are alike, so it impossible for anything or everything to be the same as it used to be.

Last week, as I was looking through some prior journals, I found a passage where I must have asked myself the same question- What is different?   Reviewing the comparisons I made at that time between how things were when I was raising my five children alone and the reality of where I was at while raising three grandchildren was very informative.  I realized that whether I was to compare my present circumstances to thirty or ten years ago I would find a difference in every category.   In those few moments of reading, I felt a peaceful understanding settling in.

It is perfectly fine if what I am going through now, the choices I make and the results are different.   What worked in the past, worked because of the times, the people and the circumstances.  When dealing with different circumstances, people and challenges I was able to be, act and choose in another manner that were the best and most workable at that time.   No doubt, as I shift and reevaluate what is going on now, I will also find what works best in the present moments of life.  By recognizing the differences I can better decide how to use the knowledge, experience and skills I have gained from the differences of the past.  In recognizing the differences, as well as similarities, between the past and now both I and those I love will progress in new, different ways that will be just right, whether perfect or not, under the present circumstances and into the changing future. 
 
Are you feeling like life should be different than it is?  Ask yourself the question.  You may be surprised at the answers that come back. 





 

Finding a Balance

Balance - visit Pixabay.com

This week has been interesting as it has given me the opportunity to take a look at the balance in my life between work and home, especially the balance at home between responsibilities/expectations versus caring for myself and my own needs.  
I feel most of the time my balance between work and home is handled well.  However, one of my managers caught me during a few moments when I had spaced off mentally or blinked without unblinking for a few seconds.  I know it was less than a minute, but it was enough to receive a formal warning from management.  Rather than freaking out about possibly losing my present employment, I have taken time this week to reflect on perceived demands on my time and expectations of others, both at work and home.
I found this picture today, and as I looked at it I appreciated it more and more.  In many ways it is depicts exactly how I feel lately. At first glance what I see is the balance of the stacked pebbles and the initial feeling of peace and relaxation. I feel balanced, things are happening with order and I am in control.    For a short period of time I just enjoyed the moment of calm and feeling of freedom the picture evoked.  Then I noticed the other pebbles nearby, the ones that are not as close in size or included in the choice of pebbles to work with.  There is a fairly flat pebble not too far back which looks as though it may have made a good base, however, as perfect as it appears on the visible surface, the sculptor chose not to use it, just as he chose not to include many of the other numerous rocks nearby. The choice of pebbles in creating the balanced result is like the choices I have to make in finding my own balance. Though something seems like it would add to the value or creation, I can't  include everything.  Have to make choices of what seems will work best together at any given time and leave other things to work on for another time.  Another thing that caught my attention was the water coming toward the shore.  At the moment it does not threaten the balance, but as time goes on it may or may not, depending on the changes in nature, shake or even topple the fragile balance that exists.  This is like the emotions, needs and choices of others in my life  Their moods or choices may threaten whatever balance I build and could come crashing upon me like an ocean wave, disturbing or changing the balance of sleep vs rest, freedom vs responsibilities, time for/with others vs time for own interests.  Like the stones, what I build may remain standing, inspiring someone else in the process or it may be washed away and I will need to rebuild from different materials or a new perspective. 
So I will take this opportunity to look at finding a new balance of responsibilities, work and time for self.   There will be less free play time allowed when I have four children here and more time in teaching them if the toys are not put away properly, it will take them longer to clean up.  Balance may involve putting out some cleaning charts as a reminder to myself of little things I can do in each day.  It will involve a refocus on getting the girls to sleep without grandma so I can have an extra half hour each evening to work on other things (writing, playing the piano or reading) which help me release and handle stress.  
I wish the reason for this reflection had never happened, but I am glad for the opportunity to reevaluate what does and doesn't work for me in keeping life in balance.  I am thankful I have skills and resources I can call upon to help me make choices which will work for me, in my unique circumstances.   
Although you may not have had a recent experience to cause you to reflect on the balance in your life, I encourage you to take the time now to look at how you too can improve the balance(s) in your life. 

Enjoying something simple

I found myself in a church meeting recently thinking about how something small and simple can make such a difference in our day.  It may not have even seemed important, but something or someone later made you realize a shift in your attitude or outlook on circumstances or situations.

For me, on that particular evening,  it was a three dollar ($3) pair of red patent leather open toed wedge pumps.  My granddaughter had needed to go shopping earlier for some pants she needed for work.  We decided to try a new thrift store which had recently opened near our home.  Having never been there before, I started to browse while she was trying on her clothes. I was looking to see what they had in open toed shoes, which are often hard to find.  Surprisingly I found a pair of nice looking red shoes in really good condition.   What was even more surprising was that they not only fit, but fit comfortably.  Although I had not planned on buying anything for myself, I kept them in my hand as I joined my granddaughter to pay for our purchases, rationalizing to myself that a few extra dollars would not make that much of a difference.   Later as I dressed for the meeting, I chose a skirt with a red, black and gray print, and slipped on the new shoes instead of the black shoes I normally wore with the outfit. I didn't think much about my appearance as the toddler asked for hugs and reverted to their usual tears because I  was leaving without them, again.   I hurried to get to the meeting and find a place to sit in the crowded chapel, ending up on the front row of the folded chairs for the overflow crowd.  It wasn't until after the opening song, the prayer and the first talk was concluded before I relaxed.  As I listened to the speaker I began to look around at the couples seated near me.  Being single, as often happens, I began to feel self-conscious, especially as I was seated near some couples, who I perceived from their clothing and shoes were probably much more financially stable than I am. I realized I was beginning to compare myself to others, which I know is not fair, especially to myself.  It was then I looked down, and suddenly my feeling of being less was gone.  I suddenly felt beautiful, accepted and the equal of everyone else there.

What was it that made the difference?  A simple pair of red shoes, purchased on a whim.  They were not scuffed up from kids stepping on them or playing dress up or being knocked down the stairs. .  They were not missing pieces of rubber from the heels because they had been worn daily for months at a time because I had chosen to buy shoes for others in the family instead of myself.  .  They were not just something I had thrown on as I walked out the door, but something which complimented what I was wearing,   In that moment I felt proud of the way I looked.  I was glad I had chosen to spend something on myself without guilt.  In that moment I felt loved.  I felt like I deserved to feel special. 

That moment was a reminder that it doesn't take much to make a difference in a life, whether it be your own or someone else's.  It was also a reminder to appreciate and notice the simple little things we do for ourselves and others. What may seem small may actually be the very thing that makes a difference in how someone feels about themselves, their surroundings, their choices or their life. 

What have you done that seems simple?  What simple thing could you enjoy right now?