Why Is This So Different?

I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the past days, weeks and months as I raise the youngest two children in my home.   As a single parent, I already raised my own five children.  Then I chose to take on the care and responsibility for three of my grandchildren.  Now I am starting over by raising two more children.   One might think since I have done it once, the second or third time should be a breeze.  Which, I guess, is why this question comes up so often.  I did it before, so why does it seem so hard? Why is this so different than last time? 

The answer is simple. Everything is different.    My financial situation is different.  My housing situation has changed several times over the years.  The support of family and/or family members is different. Former health and wellness concerns for me and others have been replaced by new medical and counseling needs.   The demands on my time have not remained the same through all the years.   Employment, hours and expectations have not remained constant.  Ways of dealing with stress or discouragement may be managed in a more or less effective manner.  Actions, thoughts and choices may have shifted in their level of priority or importance to me or someone else.   Relationships have certainly changed through out the years.  The expectations of society have changed over time.  Most importantly, no two children are alike, so it impossible for anything or everything to be the same as it used to be.

Last week, as I was looking through some prior journals, I found a passage where I must have asked myself the same question- What is different?   Reviewing the comparisons I made at that time between how things were when I was raising my five children alone and the reality of where I was at while raising three grandchildren was very informative.  I realized that whether I was to compare my present circumstances to thirty or ten years ago I would find a difference in every category.   In those few moments of reading, I felt a peaceful understanding settling in.

It is perfectly fine if what I am going through now, the choices I make and the results are different.   What worked in the past, worked because of the times, the people and the circumstances.  When dealing with different circumstances, people and challenges I was able to be, act and choose in another manner that were the best and most workable at that time.   No doubt, as I shift and reevaluate what is going on now, I will also find what works best in the present moments of life.  By recognizing the differences I can better decide how to use the knowledge, experience and skills I have gained from the differences of the past.  In recognizing the differences, as well as similarities, between the past and now both I and those I love will progress in new, different ways that will be just right, whether perfect or not, under the present circumstances and into the changing future. 
 
Are you feeling like life should be different than it is?  Ask yourself the question.  You may be surprised at the answers that come back. 





 

2017 - Time for Revival

The New Year, 2017, has begun with a bang.  One of the things this year offers is the chance for revival. 

It is time to revive passions, interests and dreams.  It is time to reinvigorate creative desires and abilities.  It is time to restore a passion for living, whether I am choosing to live day to day, week to week or month to month. It is time to resurrect saved manuals, books and articles full of guidance and advice.  It is time to re-establish daily rituals/routines so life can move along smoother.  It is time to put back into place boundaries in relationships, work, time management and expectations, of self and others.  It is time to energize promises I want to keep. 

Among the things to restore is this space.  I began sharing after I had seen others I respected and admired reaching out via the internet to share their lives.    Just when I could (or should) have been sharing more about the challenges of parenting following the addition of two children to our home, priorities got jumbled due to the increased demands of working with social workers and agencies, supporting the parents, the legalities and process of adoption, working to support a larger family and caring for two very active demanding toddlers and a teenager faced with all the decisions, challenges and growth of attending high school.    What spare time I did find I used to post a few thoughts on another blog, “Bridge of Skills” or promote my book by the same name. 

The beginning of a new year fell right behind moving from one home and city to another.  Among the comments I have heard from people in our former area and people I am meeting in our new living area is that they wish they knew me better, and as they learn more about me, the question of whether I have ever considered sharing my experiences and inspiration with others.  The answer is yes, I have, and it is time to do it again.   

So, for those who have known me before, and allowed me to share with you in the past, I ask you to forgive my absence and hope you will again look forward to reading the thoughts of someone who is just like you.  For those who are new, I hope you will feel love, encouragement and value as we journey through life together.   

I Can Handle Everything…

(Shared from www.bridgeofskills.blogspot.com)

These are the first few words of a quote a friend gave me one day at the office on a day we were both handling a number of unusual client and administrative requests.

“I can handle everything life throws at me. I can either handle it well or handle it bad; either way I have to handle it. “

I can’t see anything but truth in this thought. It is really a very empowering statement for anyone. As life comes along, whether it drags or seems to be speeding along, we each get to handle it. What we receive may be something big, demanding our highest level of attention and efforts or so small we handle it so quickly we hardly notice it was there.

We may not even handle similar life events or recurring situations the same way each time, yet somehow we handle it each time. Sometimes we handle what life gives us with a smile, sometimes with a groan and occasionally with deep emotion, but we handle it. Most times we walk away with the knowledge we were at our best and successful while occasionally we walk away wishing we could have done more or found a better way to handle the moments. No matter how it is measured on the spectrum, we did handle it. We handled it, made it through and stood ready for the next thing life was preparing.

Thankfully, we do not always have to handle life alone. Along with everything life throws us to handle, life also throws us friends, family and teachers that can aid us. We may still handle the majority of things life throws us on our own terms, in our own way, based on our our own experiences but we are better armed than we might have otherwise been because of the people life put in place for us to reach out to, lean on or on a rare occasion even hand the problem to and trust they can handle it for us.

I encourage everyone to realize that no matter what life throws at us, whether it is something we look forward to and prepare for something that takes us completely by surprise, we can handles. We are naturally armed with everything we need.  The only variable is whether we handle it well, alright or less than perfectly.  In the end we will handle it in some way.  

 

Insecurity - Should I Worry or Trust Myself?

I have a co-worker  who is planning a trip to our corporate office in Boston, Massachusetts.  I have had numerous co-workers make a similar trip, wished them well and actually been excited for them.  It can be a great trip.  The one time I was privileged to journey back there, I had a wonderful time.  As I am not a social body, eager to find the most fantastic restaurant or the best entertainment, I enjoyed time alone being able to write some thoughts which seemed exciting to me at the time.  So why am I not feeling excitement and joy for this co-worker to visit Bean Town , enjoy the sights or mingle with other co-workers?

The reason is my own insecurity and lack of trust in her presentation of matters she has voiced concerns about.  In her mind, she may feel she is offering assistance, but it doesn't seem to feel that way to me.  I know, it is just my perception of her and my personal reaction to her comments, yet I find myself dreading the results she could create by talking about her concerns and beliefs of how I should be running the office, what a caring company should be doing for their employees, or what we are doing as an office or team that should be changed, how or by whom.

So, I find myself checking my trust level with myself and others I work closely with.  Do I trust that I could defend my skills, knowledge, abilities, choices and work ethic if they are challenged by something this co-worker may say or misrepresent based on her own beliefs, attitudes or work expectations?  I find myself checking my trust level with the corporate people I work with which this co-worker will be interacting or communicating with.  I hope I have created trust and a relationship with them which will allow them to be supportive of me, my work, actions, decisions and business ethics, allowing them to listen with understanding without reacting or making changes based only on her comments which may differ from the way I may have presented or communicated the same situation or concern. 

I know I am an asset to the organization and what I do has value.  My interactions with clients is often just as important, and sometimes much more delicate in balance, than other team members in the office.  I know I am an asset to the organization in the way I have and do interact with other team members in our office and offer support, encouragement and suggestions.  I know I am valued as someone who is dependable and steady, yet flexible enough to be called on to take on new duties and able to handle changes and challenges with a great attitude.   This knowledge and confidence is what I will hold onto during the next few weeks.

My answer to the question is this - I Will Trust Myself and Others.  I will trust myself that during the next two weeks my efforts, abilities and knowledge will be proven to others.  I will trust that I will make a personal list of subjects, based on local co-worker comments or concerns, which I may need to be prepared to discuss after this particular co-worker's visit to the corporate office,  I will trust the knowledge, experience and skills of corporate managers and owners to know what is pertinent or not pertinent to the well being of the local office as well as the overall company.  

I will hope that you also can make the same decision.  Trust yourself.  Trust those who know you well.  Trust your abilities, learned skills, knowledge and ethics will be noticed and appreciated.  Trust in the abilities, knowledge, ethics and beliefs of those who have an influence on your life.   Lastly, trust, as I will be, that the best will be the end result. 

Appreciation- A Lost Art or or A Lack of Expectation?

Found at Clipartlogo.com

I have had the opportunity the past few weeks to reflect on the art of appreciation.  Many things have happened at work since we moved our office and hired a new employee which have given me almost a daily chance to reflect on how my opinions and my attitudes differ from my fellow employees.  I do not claim to be better or worse, but our level of appreciation for life circumstances are definitely on different levels. 
Perhaps my experiences in life have taught me to appreciate what I have and enjoy what I have rather than always looking for more.  Somewhere along the way I learned to see the good things that happen, especially the small things, and appreciate moments and the efforts of others.  The art of appreciation involves accepting the present as it is and doing the best I of whom I can be in the present circumstances.  I believe part of being appreciative is believing in myself, knowing what I am capable of and knowing I can find a solution to what may appear as a problem. 
Children have a natural ability to appreciate.  They appreciate freedom and the chance to life it their own way.  They are proud of growing past a stage where someone else is always doing things for them and appreciate the chances to do it themselves.  They appreciate gifts, hugs, conversations and attention.  They make the best of what they have and use imagination and creativity to create something they want.  
This week was the first week of school. My six year old grandson has been so excited to use his new lunchbox. It wasn't something fancy, a square insulated box with a zipper and a small outside pocket, but it was his, something he had chosen himself to take to school.   He enjoys finding things to put into his lunchbox.  He trusts me and his mother enough to believe his food would taste as wonderful at noon as it does in the morning.  He was eager to share with me that he had found his own straw, spoon and even remembered to pack a napkin and a plastic bag (to put his spoon and empty bottle in when he was done so he could bring them home to wash). Placing a cold pack in with the supplies he left each day with anticipation of the meal to come.    
What struck me was the difference of this child in comparison to the attitudes of some co-workers in my office. These adults are given a full hour for lunch; more than many companies I have previously worked for.  They are less than 3 minutes from two major stores and several fast food establishments. Yet as grownups they are unable to provide for themselves.  Since there wasn't a cafeteria, kitchen or café in the office building, would the company be willing to have lunch brought in everyday?  How often can they plan on the company providing lunch for them during busy times of the month or which are the busy months when they can plan on the company ordering lunches for them so they don't have to worry about having to rush to get back?   These adults were worried that within a 4 hour period of time their lunches would spoil if the company did not provide them with a refrigerator.  An insulated lunch-bag & freezer pack might not keep their lunches cold enough.  It would cost them up to $7 to purchase one, and if the company cared about them they would purchase one for them. They believe it should be up to the company to provide them with utensils, cups and napkins to use to eat their lunches with, after all they moved into an office building that doesn't have a kitchen where they can wash their dishes or utensils after they are through eating. 
Another example of appreciation versus expectation happened this week. The landlord of the office building invited everyone in the building to come on Thursday for an appreciation breakfast which the landlord was providing.  When I got to work that morning, I explained to my co-workers that I had explained to my grandson that I couldn't wait to drive him to school that morning because I had been invited to a breakfast where I worked.  Both co-workers told me that the breakfast wasn't anything to get excited about, and I shouldn't have hurried.  It was just bagels and fruit.     I have not worked in any other office building where the landlord provided breakfast for every company and every employee within the building and I appreciated the kindness, and wanted to thank them for even thinking about it.   When I reached the lobby, what I found was an assortment of 8 different kinds of bagels to choose from, 5 different kinds of cream cheese spreads, an assortment of jellies, a platter with 6 different kinds of sliced fruits and a choice of juice or milk.   I was impressed rather than disappointed.  I am aware that there are probably about 100 employees now working within the building that the landlord was providing breakfast for.   When I returned to my desk with my filled plate, I felt pampered and spoiled.  Part of the difference in attitude I found was that I had not expected much and was surprised and appreciative of the efforts to provide a variety of things to choose from to meet many tastes.  On the other hand my co-workers were disappointed because they expected much more.  One of them had come expecting a hot buffet breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, potatoes or pancakes).  The other was disgruntled because they only provided bagels rather than a choice of other things (donuts, pastries, muffins, cookies, different coffees and creams) because they should have realized not everyone prefers bagels.  While I was focused on appreciating the unexpected offer and the efforts of the givers, my co-workers appeared to be focused on what they expected people to do for them and the disappointment they found because their expectations were not met.
In thinking about these differences this week I couldn't help but ask the question again, is appreciation a lost art?  Is it something we forgot to teach a younger generation?   I certainly hope not.  Am I taking what appears to me as a kind act or word as something special and appreciating the person or moment only because I do not expect something grander?  If so am I wrong in doing so?    Should I expect more from others than I do?  Expect others to anticipate my needs, wants and desires and provide them for my comfort and happiness?   
My answer is "NO!"  As long as I can look around and find things to appreciate the Art of Appreciation will not be lost.  I can share it with a thank you, a note or in a conversation.  I can do as I did with my co-workers and explain that I know how hard it is to provide a meal for a variety of people and point out the effort to those who didn't see it before, and be supportive of positive actions.  I can spread the art by sharing the things I do appreciate and encouraging others to find something positive in their own lives.  Most of all I can be grateful I have the ability to appreciate the small and big things in my own life and choose to use the Art of Appreciation as often as possible.

Mini-Vacations- I Love Them

Wow!  I have just enjoyed another "Mini-Vacation" (as my granddaughter and I refer to them.) I recommend them highly to everyone I know and love.   We take them at least once or twice a year. They are called mini-vacations because they do not last more than one or two nights (the mini portion) but they are a chance to get away from home for some activities, swimming, and just quiet thinking time (the vacation portion).  Occasionally we plan ahead, saving the money, but like this weekend, often they are a last minute decision to just escape and runaway from problems, pressures and work.
My 12 year-old granddaughter, Alex, has been suggesting we take a mini+vacation for several weeks. It seems that everytime I seem open to the idea, she ends up doing soething else with someone else, a friend, a parent, ad church group, etc.  She ends up off somewhere else, and I end up staying home to clean or relax on my own or finding my time filled with other grandchildren, responsibilities or projects which seem to pop up unexpectedly. I have thought about running-away on my own for some recreation of my own, but generally decide to use the money another way or save it and wait, knowing that the right time will come eventually. 
So yesterday afternoon I decided, this weekend would be great.  It was Alex's last day of school for the year.  I had attended an short, but emotionally draining meeting concerning her brother earlier in the week.  Even though my hours at work were decreased recently, I had during the week been handed additional duties and responsibilities.  I had also learned during the week that a health issue I had been having would best be handled with surgery which would leave it's own problems, and would require several weeks off work.  It was a time to celebrate, and a time to let go of worries and pressures.  So I called one of our favorite hotels in town and made a reservation for a two night stay, and left a message at home for Alex to start packing for us.  (Alex likes the pool in this hotel, the amenities, such as a hair dryer, microwave and refrigeratore, and I like the room arrangement, such as a table for writing or painting and a separate seating area with a couch and chair.)
Of course, like most vacations, flexibility is important, whether it is a long trip or a short overnight jaunt.  Planning is great, but you can't  expect everything to look or be a certain way.  Things happen simply because you are part of a loving family, and because of things you have taught your children to be or do.  Alex was excited to go on the long awaited vacation, but I had forgotten about a birthday party she had planned to attend. She was willing to just drop off a hand-made card, and give up her time with friends, but I knew this party was important to her, and being a good friend seemed to me a little more important at the time than just hanging out with family.   So the first night, which I had envisioned as the 2 of us at a movie, going to dinner, taking a late night swim and staying up to watch a movie together didn't happen.  Instead, we went to the store, bought her a gift to take to the party, grabbed a quick bite at a fast food restaurant, and while she went to the party I went to the hotel (only about 10 miles away) alone to check in, watch a movie and unpack, then back to our house to pick her up after the party, bring her to the hotel where she immediately fell into bed exhausted.  
Our next day was busy. We slept in an extra hour or two, dressed for the day, and went downstairs to enjoy the free breakfast buffet our chosen restaurant offers guests each morning.  Since this was a holiday weekend, and the hotel was filled, there were no open clean tables, so we took our trays back to our room and ate at the table in our room as though we had ordered room service.    I suggested a movie I knew Alex wanted to see at a local theater, and asked if she would like to go skating, something she enjoys but doesn't get to do often.  She was thrilled. Since the theatre and skating wouldn't open for another hour or so, we chose to go to the nearby mall and window shop.  The plan was to just look around, but we ended up buying new summer sandals for each of us, and enjoyed purchasing some jewelry and hair accessories to wear for the upcoming 4th of July and other activities.  The food court provided us with our favorite choices of food to enjoy before heading for the skating and movie center.   Since we were open to whatever worked, we didn't plan which was to be first the skating or the movie, so when we found out, we had missed the first posted showtime, we asked about the later show.  However, though the previews were almost over the movie had not started yet, so we bought the tickets and hurried into the theatre, sitting down just as the opening scene was beginning.  So we enjoyed a great movie together.  After the movie we walked to the other end of the building where Alex rented some skates and I found a comfortable bench to sit on where I could watch her and where I could sit and read a good book I had grabbed from home which I wanted to enjoy again.  An hour or so later, Alex was ready to go back to the hotel and enjoy what she likes most about the hotel, the swimming pool, full sized, heated and not usually too crowded to actually be able to actually swim if you want to.  By the time I made some phone calls and joined her, we had the pool to ourselves.  We both enjoyed racing and swimming hard, not just splashing around.  We had invited Alex's mother to join us, but she and her boyfriend had a full day planned, but wanted to have some time with Alex.  They arrived at the hotel as Alex and I were swimming, but couldn't stay for long.  We returned to our room.  Alex dressed, gathered her clothes for that night and the next day from the suitcase, and left to go with her mom for dinner and to spend the night. 
Although I had originally planned on Alex spending the second night with me, it was fine that I got this second night alone.  I could relax alone and spend some time remembering and thinking about the blessings I have that always, when recognized and noticed, always overwhelm and are greater than any perceived struggle or problem that may seem to be overpowering at the moment.  Being alone I could reflect on past and present and recognize that life just keeps going on and that for the most part, mine is pretty wonderful, with many things that simply happen and can too often be taken for granted, but are really small miracles and deserve to be recognized with gratitude. 
A good night's rest, brought me to my final morning of vacation.  A long leisurely bubble bath seemed the ideal way to start the day.  Plenty of time this morning to fix my hair and put on a little extra makeup and nail polish.  The breakfast area was less crowded, so I was able to sit at a table near the window, enjoy the scenery and eat a leisurely meal.  Back upstairs, I packed everything up, did a little writing, and enjoyed a cold drink. 
All too soon, it was time to check out.  Loading the car and preparing to go to church meetings, and return home to my everyday surroundings, responsibilities and challenges of life, I found I was already mentally planning another trip, sooner rather than later.  It was another moment to express gratitude that I am able to enjoy these mini-vacations, even if it sometimes means juggling financial items around, I am able to create these moments in time to renew, refresh, regroup, refocus and reconnect with myself and family members.  Others may talk about their great vacations to distant lands, their cruises, their tours, the productions they have seen or concerts and parties they attended before returning feeling refreshed.  I am happy for them, and rejoice in their excitement.  As for me, I think I will keep looking forward to and enjoying my simple little mini-vacations.

Life Moves On

Life Moves On. There is no way to stop it. No matter what you do, or do not do- Life Moves On.

Life Moves On. There is in way to slow it down, pause it or even stop it. There is no way you can rewind it, speed it up or fast forward it. There is no way you can hasten it along or make it linger. You cannot keep up with the count as the moments flow on. and in the trying you fall even further behine. It just keeps moving whether you want it to or not at its own steady pace.

Life Moves On, It brings you a myriad of experiences, feelings, lessons, hopes and even disappointment. It moves you from stage to stage never clearly marking where one ends and the next one starts. Life ages you gradually, one day at a time and doesn't require a thank you for its gift. Life allows you to choose how you will experience it, and doesn't care whether you change your mind occasionally on how you will do it. Life understands no days are alike so each day may be faced in different ways . Life leaves memories in it's wake, and understands if you choose to forget some, and treasure others, or even sometimes have to reach back to search for some you forgot to gather while they were happening Life as you know it begins and then in an instant it changes or ceases to exist at all. Then Life Moves On,

Life Moves On. It is different. You are different. There are Questions to be answered and Questions to ask. Life asks what you did with it and why and listens patiently even when it already knows the answers, for it knows your retelling life in your own words is how you decide to accept your life. You Move On with Life.

Then Life Moves On.