I just read on FaceBook that my sister had gone through our mother's music, organized it and downsized what was there. My heart skipped a few beats, I went emotionally into panic mode, and fear. All I could hope was it was only the music that mom used for teaching her piano students and not all the old pieces in the cabinet, some of which to me would be irreplaceable.
There is a lot of music mom has that is much more than just a sheet of notes. Much of her music is tied in with memories and precious moments and sounds that cannot be recreated and never forgotten. There is music in the cabinet that is older than I am, older than my parents even, yet I love more than anything that is new. There is music in the cabinet that were favorites of my uncles, aunts, cousins, parents and grandparents. To me the music in the cabinet cannot be downsized. It can be shared among the family, cherished and kept for new generations to learn and love, but never given away. For almost every piece in the cabinet has a story, a person or a time attached to it. Mother's whole life history can be chronicled through the music that is or should be in that cabinet. Even some of the music that was probably on the shelf with her piano teaching books should be added to the cabinet, for it is part of he.r later life and what music has played an important part her later life.
My sisters and I have often talked about the time when we would all sit down together and go through the music. We have even discussed different pieces that are important to each of us and how hard it could be to decide, when the same song is important to each of us, who would be the keeper of the music sheets and who would keep only the memories. I have always kept that time as far away, and my sister's post made me look at how quickly the years are passing and how the times we think are far away can become here and now in a fraction of a second.
Until my sister's post about the music, I had not let the knowledge that mom's accident could have been fatal hit my heart and mind, or allow the tears to flow slowly down. I have thanked the Lord that it was not more serious than it is and that she is alive, but had not let the feeling of loss do anymore than quickly pass through. Yet the thought that we could be going through the music right now anyway, without Mom still here, really hit me hard. I was so grateful that my sister could have the opportunity to go through the music, organize it and downsize some of it as an effort to make things easier for mother in the next few weeks and months, and hopefully many more years. I was so grateful we as a family were not sorting through the music to make it easier on dad because having all the music there is too much of a reminder of mother for him to handle. With perspective, the loss of a few sheets of music was far better than the loss of everything my mother is my life.
So instead of feeling panic that my sister is going through the music, and wondering what she kept or didn't, or what she will take home with her, I will send her my love, my encouragement and a prayer that she will be inspired in her choices. I will pray that as she goes through the music, she will be surrounded by all the people from the other side of the veil that know and love the music, and that they will inspire her choices of what to keep or how to organize it so it can be shared with love. I will pray that as she and mother go through the music, that they will feel surrounded by love from those here on this earth and those that are waiting for mother to join them in heaven. Music has been a thread through so many generations, and this music represents the thread that can be unwound for many more generations to come.
In perspective, now is the perfect time to be going through mother's music, and share it again. I am grateful for the chance to have mother here to bless it's passage. I pray that I will take the time as I review the sheets of notes, that I will write down the memories, the history and the love of each one special to me so my children and grandchildren will know why music is so much a part of my life and who I am or what I have become.
