3 Month Memories

I check on one of my favorite blog almost daily to see pictures of a little princess and how the little family is doing. Their last post was New Years Day so I was so excited to see that it had changed and there were new pictures of the princess and new thoughts shared about the mother's feelings and what is going on with her. I love this couple and thrive on knowing their ups and downs. They are so special, and the adoptive mother is right, this baby was chosen for them. It wasn't an accident they were chosen by the birth mother to be the couple to share this precious spirit with, for I know that a loving Heavenly Father brought them into the birth-mother's life because of who they are, their love for each other and their genuine love for her. Every time I read about how much the adoptive mother talks to the baby about her birth mother, I know again that this match was made with divine intervention, and I cry myself to know that this little girl will always know how much she is loved.

I am glad to know their prayers for the birth mom are continuing. The birth mother is starting a new path of education this term and needs their prayers as she studies and prepares for her future. What I know too, is that if she needs some extra support from outside her circle of family and friends, her newest friends will be there for her. On her blog the adoptive mother shared a blog by another birth mother. I read the blog and thought about how different the experiences of these birth mothers are. From the blog I got the feeling that that mother felt alone and excluded, while the birth mother I support has a circle that surrounds her tightly. I am sure that they both share the feelings of loss and wish they could hold their child everyday, but it helps to know that the adoptive mother is honoring the birth mother in everything she does and to be assured your child, even though a distance from you, will always know how loved and cherished she is and that her mother did give her away but gave someone else a gift of love from the center of her heart.



Anyway the little princess is growing everyday. The adoptive mother talked about doing Tummy Time and what the baby likes and doesn't like about being on her tummy. I, of course thought about my grandchildren when they were that age.

Memories once they start don't just stop with a few good warm feelings. Once the memories start to roll, both the good and the bad come flooding out and you have to sort through to find the ones you want to look at closely. Mixed with the memories of babies lying in their car seats at my feet as I fix dinner, cooing and laughing, are the memories of late nights not knowing when the baby was going to be home. Mixed with the memories of babies slumbering in their beds are the memories of them lying crying alone because his/her parents were asleep. Along with the normal smells of baby powder, lotion and clean washed hair are the smells of drugs and smoke that choked me with their strength. Happy hours of just rocking a baby in a chair or cuddling close are interrupted by that same child being yanked out of my arms in anger. Quiet Tummy Time with these babies is what I choose to remember over the fighting of the parents as they stood over them. I prefer to remember the times of seeing them playing gleefully with their toys over the times I would arrive to check on them and find them crying and alone.

Isn't it wonderful that life gives us memories? Some we look at and say, "I am so glad I made it through." Even though they may be painful to look at, we chose to keep them as memories because they are proof of our strength, our ability to face trials and solve problems and grow through struggles and challenges. Other memories we review and keep because they bring back the laughter and joy we sometimes forget we had or do not always take the time to look for in our busy lives right now. Those memories remind us to lighten up and enjoy life while it happens, for the moments with children as they grow are many but short, never lasting as long as we wish, but always bringing a smile.

So as I think about years ago and the babies of that day, I will choose to embrace the memories of love, laughter, joy, fun, peace, and calm of those days and hold onto some of those feelings to carry me through all the current todays of the week. As I think about the babies of today and reflect on the ones of my past I will notice the similarities, hold tight to the love that comes flooding back, remember to laugh at the simplicity and miracle of life in whatever stage of life I am in. I will watch with eagerness as new mothers and fathers share their observations of parenthood and boast about their little princess or prince. I will remember to smile and find my own miracle moments to make new memories with.

My Answer- Not what I thought

Thank you Lord for helping me to find the answer to how to get out of the depression I have been stuck in the past 2 months. I couldn't seem to pull myself out and want to get on with life. I felt like I had lost someone, as if in death, but it was my own choice, to encourage my granddaughter to give her baby to someone else. I knew in my heart it was right, and I, above all, knew it was the only choice for this baby to live a normal happy life. Yet something about the whole thing was keeping me unable to walk through the pain. I was stuck. Then the answer was revealed. What I could not get through was not knowing how the young couple that were to adopt this precious little great-granddaughter were doing. I was not upset because they had the baby to raise instead of my granddaughter raising her. I was frustrated because I could not share in their joy at raising this little girl. I could not be there to hear their fears and worries about how their new baby was doing, or to hear the laughter and joy in their voices as they spoke about how cute their little princess was in her new outfit or how she melted their hearts with her big beautiful eyes. Then I found it, their blog and my depression lifted. Here I could see the smiles on their faces. I was able to see and hear how dad thought his little princess was so smart because she would stick her tongue out like daddy did. The picture of 2 sad faces, mom's and daughter's was precious, but it let me know that the mother understood that not all moments are happy and she could share the sadness with love. I am thankful that they thought to post a picture of the new father with his brothers and father. Unlike my granddaughter and the aunt she lives with, I was not able to meet the extended family that would be loving this new baby. I didn't know if they were fun loving or serious. I could see that glint in almost every eye that said, watch out, we can only be this good for a short while, don't expect too much. I love the look on the faces of my granddaughter's aunts. You can see the adoration they have for this precious angel. Anyway, the point is I am thankful that these new parents are willing to share their adventure, and thankful that I was pointed to the answers to my prayer