I wish I could say it is funny, but right now I can't, that sometimes loving someone gets so mistaken for something else it destroys what is good and leaves sorrow and grief behind. . I just received a call that has me in tears. Tears due to love for all those involved, even the ones that started as strangers but became special because of what they shared from their hearts. Now because of the misunderstandings and fears what was special, warm, spiritual, loving, genuine and wonderful will be wrapped up and made private. What brought comfort and joy to many will now be hidden, guarded and protected. Where love, guidance, support and encouragement might have been given and received, now there will be caution and regret and heartache. Blogs that were openly shared because of the excitement of sharing life, love and daily joys or sorrows will no longer be available except to a select few. I may never again share in the happiness and joys of some people I dearly love.
Why all of this? Because someone shared a blog with me they thought I would enjoy, which I did. On that blog they shared some others they were following. There were two that I found especially entertaining, informative and enjoyable. During the Christmas holidays the mother at one of the sites shared how much she enjoyed doing crafts with her children. and the kinds of simple crafts she was doing with them. Her enthusiasm and how much her children were enjoying making their pictures and such, reminded me that even the simplest crafts for the youngest hands are just as precious as any grand gift and that there is no limit to age when creativity is involved. Because of her sharing I took the time over the holidays to let my grandson do a few Christmas crafts in an effort to entertain him. Thanks to an idea from this young mother, I helped my grandson make a Christmas tree, make a Christmas picture, paint some ornaments to take home with him, and even make what his mother called his snow blizzard picture.
Another layer deep, from the above blog, was a blog she was following. This blog was written by another young woman. The first time I read this blog, I felt drawn back to it. There was a special sweetness and spirit that I felt each time I read about her testimony and her beliefs. One day she stated that they were making their blog private so if you wanted to continue following it, please send your email. I sent my email, and wasn't sure she would respond. She of course questioned who I was or how I learned about her blog. I told her where I had encountered it, and why I had gone to that site in the first place. This young lady was kind enough to send me a link to her next post, which I was very grateful for.
Well that one request led to her contacting an old friend, who happened to be the owner of the first blog I had started from and asking.a question that made them uneasy in a number of ways. And the owner of this site contacted someone they knew and shared their fears about who this unknown person might be. The lists of previously shared blogs are now off the site, and according to the person calling me earlier, the original site shared will likely become private as well. Since the owner of the blog has no legal obligation to share the site with me, and I have been reminded that this isn't my family anyway so there is no reason for me to expect them to share their site with me, (besides they need to protect their identiy and their family from those who might harm them) I am afraid I will lose ever seeing or hearing about them again. That is why I sit here crying.
So tonight I apologize to all that feel I have ruined their lives through caring about them or are frightened because of my actions or love or appreciation of what they had to share or excitement about their joy. All of their blogs were beautiful and I will miss having them to brighten my day. I wish them all happiness and joy and still send them my love. I am sorry if they misunderstood my enthusiasm or how their sharing inspired me or challenged me to share some of my own thoughts with others. Even though I thought I was being careful to not share their identities, not mention their names, my last thoughts were too close to home, too personal to not be recognized by someone who didn't until today even know this site existed, but now does, and is just trying to be protective herself. So, what I hoped might give encouragement and love has been perceived by those who I hoped to share it with the most as intrusive, disruptive and intimidating.
So now I have to decide if this blog will continue or not. I had a blog once before, and I enjoyed writing it. I had several people who followed it and it touched their lives in a variety of positive ways. Some were family and others were strangers. The blog ended when the hosting site changed their rules and offers. It felt good then, as it does now, to share love, encouragement, hope, forgiveness, gratitude, and the knowledge that if we look for the good we can find it even in the middle of trials and sorrows. I don't think I will decide right this minute. My emotions are too high, and the tears keep coming back. As I said, love, misperceived leaves alot of feelings trailing behind that need to be felt and examined.
I pray that those who need to see this will find it and know of my love for them.
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