What was I thinking?

Do you ever have days where you ask yourself "What was I thinking?"  I seem to be having a lot of those days lately.

I love the two great grandchildren I adopted, but when they are running around, as 4 and 5 year olds do I wonder.   When they are resisting going to sleep and jumping on the bed instead of lying down, while I am exhausted from a full day at work, cooking, cleaning and meeting various family needs, I sometimes wonder what I was thinking, but then I get a goodnight kiss or someone has to hold my hand in order to go to sleep, and I know I was thinking of them, not me, the love we have and the things I thought only I could give them. 

I know a daughter needs me to watch her children so she can work her unusual shifts, but sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I agreed.     When I have four children ages four to nine running from one room to another I wonder. When I am fixing the latest thing that got broken because of the combination of children playing together or not respecting the rules I find myself asking, why I thought I could have a nice home as long as I have so many young children playing in every room.   I not only question my own expectations but what others expect of me. Of course, a lot of things have changed, some on her end and some on my own since we agreed I would help, which is when it comes to the end is what the thought was - helping. 

What was I thinking when I took a cut in hours and pay a few years ago? At the time it didn't seem like a big deal,  it was only $5000 a year difference.  Now the difference is over $11,000 (almost a year's worth of mortgage payments or the payoff of my car).  I was thinking it was better to have a well paying shorter hour job than a full time job with less benefits or salary.  I was thinking the same thing I think about now, the trade off of money versus the schedule which allows for
medical appointments and meeting family needs. I am still thankful for the blessing it so often is.

I guess my point is, for me, that when I question myself and sometimes ask "What was I thinking?" , upon reflection I find that the decision was not made without thought and there is always a blessing within if I take the time to look.  I wonder what you find when you stop to ask