In Perspective With Gratitude

I just read on FaceBook that my sister had gone through our mother's music, organized it and downsized what was there.  My heart skipped a few beats, I went emotionally into panic mode, and fear.  All I could hope was it was only the music that mom used for teaching her piano students and not all the old pieces in the cabinet, some of which to me would be irreplaceable. 
There is a lot of music mom has that is much more than just a sheet of notes.  Much of her music is tied in with memories and precious moments and sounds that cannot be recreated and never forgotten.  There is music in the cabinet that is older than I am, older than my parents even, yet I love more than anything that is new.  There is music in the cabinet that were favorites of my uncles, aunts, cousins, parents and grandparents.  To me the music in the cabinet cannot be downsized.  It can be shared among the family, cherished and kept for new generations to learn and love, but never given away.  For almost every piece in the cabinet has a story, a person or a time attached to it.  Mother's whole life history can be chronicled through the music that is or should be in that cabinet.  Even some of the music that was probably on the shelf with her piano teaching books should be added to the cabinet, for it is part of he.r later life and what music has played an important part her later life.   
My sisters and I have often talked about the time when we would all sit down together and go through the music.  We have even discussed different pieces that are important to each of us and how hard it could be to decide, when the same song is important to each of us, who would be the keeper of the music sheets and who would keep only the memories.  I have always kept that time as far away, and my sister's post made me look at how quickly the years are passing and how the times we think are far away can become here and now in a fraction of a second.
Until my sister's post about the music, I had not let the knowledge that mom's accident could have been fatal hit my heart and mind, or allow the tears to flow slowly down.  I have thanked the Lord that it was not more serious than it is and that she is alive, but had not let the feeling of loss do anymore than quickly pass through. Yet the thought that we could be going through the music right now anyway, without Mom still here, really hit me hard.  I was so grateful that my sister could have the opportunity to go through the music, organize it and downsize some of it as an effort to make things easier for mother in the next few weeks and months, and hopefully many more years.   I was so grateful we as a family were not sorting through the music to make it easier on dad because having all the music there is too much of a reminder of mother for him to handle.  With perspective, the loss of a few sheets of music was far better than the loss of everything my mother is my life. 
So instead of feeling panic that my sister is going through the music, and wondering what she kept or didn't, or what she will take home with her,  I will send her my love, my encouragement and a prayer that she will be inspired in her choices.  I will pray that as she goes through the music, she will be surrounded by all the people from the other side of the veil that know and love the music, and that they will inspire her choices of what to keep or how to organize it so it can be shared with love.  I will pray that as she and mother go through the music, that they will feel surrounded by love from those here on this earth and those that are waiting for mother to join them in heaven.  Music has been a thread through so many generations, and this music represents the thread that can be unwound for many more generations to come.
In perspective, now is the perfect time to be going through mother's music, and share it again. I am grateful for the chance to have mother here to bless it's passage.  I pray that I will take the time as I review the sheets of notes, that I will write down the memories, the history and the love of each one special to me so my children and grandchildren will know why music is so much a part of my life and who I am or what I have become.  

Creative Christmas Results

Christmas is over, and most of the presents are put away.  I say most because the books I decided to give are still here and there, waiting to be read or written or drawn in. 

Even though I got some unexpected money from Santa to buy presents with, I decided I still wanted to give each of my children and grandchildren a book for Christmas. So I searched the internet for some ideas, free printable pages, recipes and articles.  Designed some simple covers, and wroted some comments and personal thoughts to make each book unique or special. 

Each of my 5 children received a book containing 4 stories I had written when they were children.  One of the stories was written during a time when 2 of the children were receiving treatment for a congenital disease they had.  My son spent several weeks confined in the hospital to a bed due to traction.  He didn't respond to many things, but one thing he did respond to was reading.  To keep things varied and special, I would write a short children's story at night after I put the other children to bed, and take it to the hospital the next day.  As I read the story, I would have him draw a picture to go with the story.  Of the many stories I wrote during that time, I only have the original of this one, for the rest were given to other mothers with children in the hospital or kept by the nurses to share with other patients.    2 of the stories I included were ones that the children would take to school to share with their teachers at Halloween and at Christmas.  The 4th story I included was one I wrote and have shared with many primary classes throughout the years.   One of the girls said she didn't remember these stories, but another daughter was thrilled to have a copy of them and remembered the times she shared them with her friends at school. 

My 3 year old grandson received an activity book that contained coloring, tracing , counting and matching games and pages.  The 5 year old granddaughter received a book of paper dolls and clothes to play with.  The 10 and 11 year old girls received some fill-it-in journals.  I wasn't sure if the 10 year old would really like it, but she was thrilled with it and said it was just what she wanted, and the smile and her face said as much as her words.    For the older 3, ages 16 and 18 I gathered some family recipes, and included some ideas of things you could cook in a microwave or easy dorm meals for students.  Then I personalized each book with my testimony, some ideas on being a missionary, some personal traits I admired, some values to live by, and some suggestions from others in foster care on how to make personal changes.  Finally for a precious great-granddaughter, age 1, who is always in my heart, I printed out some personalized Disney stories for her I hope she will enjoy. 

I thank the Lord for the spirit of creation he blesses me with. This is not the first Christmas, nor I am sure will it be the last, that a little thought and originality will be given and received with love.  Creativity is one of the gifts the Lord has given me that I have been able to use throughout the years to touch family, friends, neighbors and even strangers in powerful ways.  I pray that I will remain open to the spirit of direction and will continue to touch the lives of others for many more years.  

 

Creative Christmas Beginning

Christmas is drawing near, whether I am ready or not. I tried to pretend it wasn't coming, but C bought a tree last week, and A and I decorated it. We brought up one of the nativity sets from downstairs and set it up. Now I am getting into the spirit. I guess I will let it come. Not only will I let it come, I will look for ways to enjoy the season and make it one of memories. Christmas is usually one of the best times of the year for me. I love giving to all my family and friends, even if the gifts are small. I love making gifts with my grandchildren that they can give to others and see the delight in their faces when they make something they know will be special for someone else.


Everyone around me has a list of "wants", "wishes", "if you have the money" and "Santa ideas" that they are either compiling or have already given me. They are all great ideas and gifts - just one problem- they all require something I don't have an overabundance of...Money. Oh they know money is tight, but they believe Grandma can work miracles (or will receive one between now and Christmas Eve). So this year is one of those years where creativity and simplicity will be called upon frequently until a miracle does occur. I have had many of these kinds of Christmas years, so this is not new, just a push in the right direction to use and share my talents with others.


So since I only have a little more than 15 days left to create an abundance I gifts I decided I better get started. I decided I wanted to give something to each of my grandchildren and each of my children. I want it to be personal and special, and books or stories is what keeps coming to my mind. So last night I got online and started searching for ideas. I decided to start with 3 year old D. His gift from grandma will be a box of crayons and an activity book. I was able to find some easy pages to print off (I have about 18 right now) and will put them together into a comb bound book for him. This morning as I was browsing, I found some simple little paper dolls and clothes to print off. I figure I can design a cute little folder for Jordan to keep them in. Then I found some lds clipart journal pages that could work as a start of a gift for A and S. This evening I thought about putting together a book for T and E that has a few simple recipes, household tips, life advice, etc and call it something like, "When You Can't Reach Grandma". I think I could come up with some ideas to make mission, college or leaving home on your own a little easier or give them a few laughs on a rough day.

I could say these gifts would not cost me anything, but they still will take printer ink, which I can buy with my paycheck next week. However, 5 or 6 gifts for the the $40 the ink will cost seems practical to me. Now I just need the time to write, and I am sure it will be found. After all I found the time to write these few thoughts today, so hope is bright before me.

Well - off to bed so my creative juices can fill and I can get a new start in the morning.

Life Moves On

Life Moves On. There is no way to stop it. No matter what you do, or do not do- Life Moves On.

Life Moves On. There is in way to slow it down, pause it or even stop it. There is no way you can rewind it, speed it up or fast forward it. There is no way you can hasten it along or make it linger. You cannot keep up with the count as the moments flow on. and in the trying you fall even further behine. It just keeps moving whether you want it to or not at its own steady pace.

Life Moves On, It brings you a myriad of experiences, feelings, lessons, hopes and even disappointment. It moves you from stage to stage never clearly marking where one ends and the next one starts. Life ages you gradually, one day at a time and doesn't require a thank you for its gift. Life allows you to choose how you will experience it, and doesn't care whether you change your mind occasionally on how you will do it. Life understands no days are alike so each day may be faced in different ways . Life leaves memories in it's wake, and understands if you choose to forget some, and treasure others, or even sometimes have to reach back to search for some you forgot to gather while they were happening Life as you know it begins and then in an instant it changes or ceases to exist at all. Then Life Moves On,

Life Moves On. It is different. You are different. There are Questions to be answered and Questions to ask. Life asks what you did with it and why and listens patiently even when it already knows the answers, for it knows your retelling life in your own words is how you decide to accept your life. You Move On with Life.

Then Life Moves On.

Down and Up- Going On

I knew it had been a while since I had written, but I didn't realize how long it had been. Time has gone and there is no way of calling it back. Life has been up and down, happy and sad, trials and joys, no two days ever being the same, while time has kept going on.
There have been many downs, but this evening I would like to concentrate on the ups of the past few months.
One of the up days was my oldest granddaughter and my oldest grandson's graduation on June 4. It was a very emotional day, and filled with love and joy. I was so proud of T. He is so smart and has worked so hard to achieve the honors he has. T wore a blue cap and gown, but he also wore a special overlay honoring him as being among the top 5% of his graduating class, and 5 ropes of different colors, each one representing a scholarship he had been offered. As proud of him as I was, I couldn't help but note how he had surrounded himself with friends of the same caliber. Most of his friends that I knew also received additional honors such as scholarships or being in the top 5 of 10% of their class. E wore a white cap and gown, and although she did not wear the honors that T did, I was just as proud of her for her accomplishments, for to reach her goals she had to work even harder than T to make up classes, study, finish extra packets and overcome learning challenges that make it harder for her to keep up and perform as she would like to. I gave T a gold and silver watch, and E a string of multi-colored pastel pearls. Of course the most important person there for E was a 7 month old little girl and her parents who were just as proud of E as I was. E was able to meet with her daughter and the adoptive parents without anyone else but W and I knowing what was taking her so long to join the rest of the family for pictures. I was also so proud of E's boyfriend W. He also graduated in the to 10% and had a scholarship to the University of Utah he can use when he is ready.
**Note: This post was written back in July, but never posted because I got called away and never finishes it. I am still proud of E and T so I am choosing to post it now anyway- finished or not.

60 Is Different

I remember being young and hearing that my grandparents were 60. Sixty sounded so old.

I wondered what I would be like when I was 60 and old. Being 60 was synonomous with slowing down, relaxing in life, retiring and enjoying life in a new way. By 60 all your children were grown, and you and your lifetime companion can focus on gently loving each other as you grow old together. 60 was when you got to enjoy being free to do things with your grandchildren, travel to places of your dreams, have the day free to read a book or just nap as long as you would like. 60 was when your children started helping you more than you helped them. 60 was when you would have your house paid off and be debt free. 60 was when you could stay home and crochet or read a book and not feel guilty about what you didn't get done, because there was just you and your husband, and so there was not so much to "get done". Being 60 meant visiting friends, doing geneology, writing letters to those far away, making memories with those near and having time to ponder not just read scriptures. Reaching 60 meant having the opportunity to be involved in community service as a volunteer or serving with your spouse on a church mission. Being 60 meant having time to make cute little gifts for all of you children and grandchildren (like net scrubbers, crochet hats and scarves, small lap afghans, or "casserole removers" (grandma's name for hot pads) for birthdays and holidays. Being 60 meant being active in clubs, lunching with friends or just being home most of the time so your children and grandchildren could stop by for a few minutes whenever they got a chance to give a little love and get a little love in return.


Twenty years ago my parents were 60, and being 60 for them was certainly not all of the above. Dad was looking for work at 60 and facing the challenge of not finding any. Dad didn't retire from any long years of work, he just didn't find another job. Dad had time on his hands, so he turned to what he loved doing. He carved, carved some more and carved something else. At 60 dad was working hard all week to have things ready for the weekend when he would go to a local restaraunt and carve and take orders from those who were willing to pay for his unique abilities. At 60 mom was still giving piano lessons everyday, there was no slow down there. In fact at 60 mom took on more than ever before. Dad built his wood shop in the garage and turned a bedroom into his carving sanctuary. At 60 mom had to create a color center and become a painter, after all someone needed to paint all those carving he was producing. So at 60 mom found a new talent and has been perfecting it ever since. While grandma used to do geneology at the library, mom at 60 was supporting her brothers in their efforts to organize, sort through and understand all the valuable information they already had. At 60 mom focused on passing down the histories of ancestors to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. For mom and dad 60 meant change, but not towards relaxation or slowing down, or spending more time with family, hobbies or personal pleasures. It has only been the last 5 years that they have begun to live the kind of life I used to expect for someone of 60.

Now I am 60, and believe me, it is nothing like what I thought it would be like. I can only dream about being able to retire some day. I work 40 hours+ per week, and commute back and forth across town every day. Although all my children are grown, I certainly do not have an empty nest. I have 3 grandchildren who call my place home, and A, the youngest, still has another 7 years of school left before she graduates from high school. While I used to think 60 meant children were independent and settled, I find myself at 60 dealing with caseworkers, therapists, foster care, and the emotional & financial ups and downs of others lives (just as my own parents still have with me). While I believed 60 was when you just sat back and enjoyed visiting quietly with your grandchildren, at 60 I am caring for an active 3 year old and a 5 month old 5 nights & mornings a week, and most of every weekend. So instead of growing old, I am learning how to stay young from experts at enjoying life as each day happens. Geneology for me is hoping I can find a few minutes here or there to write in a journal or a jot a few lines of encouragement to a loved one. At 60 my house was not paid off, instead, due to refinances, I still had a 35 year mortgage, and lost my home of 20 years to foreclosure. At 60, instead sitting down to watch a favorite show and working on a needlepoint or crochet gift for someone, I am logging on to work from home or research a question. Instead of sitting at a quiet dinner table and sharing memories as my grandparents did with me when they were 60, I am creating different memories by doing crafts, cooking or playing with a grandchild to keep him/her entertained so their parents can have a night out or get some needed sleep.

No, 60 is not what I thought it would be like, but it is not bad. What my grandparents enjoyed at 60 has been pushed off to the ages of 70 or 80. It is good to know there is still more time, because I sure need it. There is so much more that I want to do and enjoy I need another 20 years to reach what I perceived "60" to be.

Children Will Listen

"Children Will Listen"

from In The Woods

How do you say to your child in the night?
Nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it might not be true?
What do you do?

Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
Co learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"

Children will listen.

Careful the wish you make
Wishes are children
Careful the path they take
Wishes come true, not free
Careful the spell you cast
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell
Children will listen

How can you say to a child who's in flight
"Don't slip away and i won't hold so tight"
What can you say that no matter how slight Won't be misunderstood
What do you leave to your child when you're dead?
Only whatever you put in it's head
Things that you're mother and father had said
Which were left to them too
Careful what you say
Children will listen
Careful you do it too
Children will see
And learn, oh guide them that step away
Children will glisten
Tample with what is true
And children will turn
If just to be free
Careful before you say
"Listen to me"

Children will listen (repeat 3x)

(lyrics found at www:silyrics.com)

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