Loving Parenting

 
Being a parent is not something anyone can adequately express in words, either spoken or written. Parenting is something that is as different and as unique for each parent as their child is unique from anyone else.   The most we can do as parents is to learn to love the moments, both good and bad, finding a way to  express our gratitude for the opportunity of being a parent.  I doesn't mother whether we call ourselves a mother or a father, there are some things we find we may have in common.   We struggle to find a balance between being able to provide unconditional love and being able to teach children what we want to know and love.  We try to find a balance between the moments of joy, fear, frustration and hope.  We experience a mix of memorable moments we never want to lose, confusion regarding the reason for certain behaviors and words and minutes in time we wish we could take back or forget ever occurred. 

Sometime as the years follow one after another we realize we are growing and learning at the same rate as our children.  They, as they grow decide whether they like being a child or want to grow up faster than we would desire.  We, as parents, also grow to decide if we like being a parent or can't wait for the time of childhood to disappear

For myself, I have found that I loved and still want to enjoy the opportunity of being a parent.  This decision to love being a parent, whether the times appear good or bad to myself or others, has helped me weather the storms of many family moments and choices my children have made.   It is because this decision has made such a difference for me in getting through some rough hours and days of parenthood, that I wanted to encourage others to find their own way to love being a parent, the ups the downs and the smooth paths in-between. 

"Loving Parenting" is a short book written with that hope of encouraging other parents to look at how they view their experience called parenting, and decide for themselves if they feel that loving the adventure will make a difference for them.  Some people may have made the decision years ago but because of changing circumstance need a friendly reminder of how to get back on track or begin anew.   

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00FCGVEMU

One Minute

One minute to write.  Is there really something to say in one minute?  Can I think of words that would inspire myself or others?  Of course I can.

I stumbled onto a blog called oneminutewriter.blogspot.com.  The opening page really hit home with me.  I have 1,440 minutes a day, so why not write for 1 minute.  So here I am writing for one minute to see what happens and so I can say I did it today.  I like the idea.

Well my one minute is up, so now what?  I guess I could write for another minute.   In one minute I can remind myself, to not get discouraged because I have not posted something on line, or written a series of blogs regularly. I can remember, "it doesn't have to look a certain way."  Maybe  my minutes of writing are not found on my computer, on the internet or a book to hold in your hand, but they have   In one minute I can remind myself how often I have used a minute of writing to touch or reach out to someone. Maybe not as often as I would like, but of ten enough to have made a difference. 

In one minute I have told someone that I love them, cherish them and my life would never be the same.  In one minute I have written a note of encouragement to a friend who was struggling with a problem I have faced myself.  In one minute I have written a note explaining how to make something better.   In one minute I have written a note of comfort to someone in sorrow.  In one minute I have shared a testimony or a belief.  In one minute I have written ideas for a friend to explore in planning a special event.  In one minute I have thanked a friend for a kindness I saw or appreciated.  In one minute I have told someone the good I see in her or something of worth I saw her share.  In one minute I have written down a solution to a problem.  In one minute I have shared the wonder of the universe with a child.  In one minute I have shared a talent.  In one minute I have written a prayer.  In one minute I have written down numerous blessing I am thankful for. 

So today, with one of the minutes of my day,  I will write myself a reminder to "Write One Minute", and post it where I will see it often throughout my day.  Today I will post this and be glad I found this minute.

No Mistake- He Knew What I Would Need

My Heavenly Father knows me so well. He knew what was coming, the choices someone else would make that would suddenly change a number of the lives of those that are dear to me in ways we would have never imagined. He knew that I would need to handle the knowledge I would be entrusted with in a manner of peace, calm and love. He knew I would need to know I could trust him to care for those I love in his own way and to not rush into any decision or make any judgements that could affect a number testimonies of his forgiveness. The Lord knew I would need to share my own testimony many times over the next few weeks to come, and strengthened me with the knowledge that he will not give me more than he knows I am capable of bearing.

When the bomb was dropped in my lap this week, I listened to the story and knew when I left the person that shared with me was now better prepared to handle whatever came next knowing she was not alone and that someone understood her pain and cared about her worries. In the midst of hearing the reason for the pain in this person's life and the others she cared about, I knew that I was led to a particular blog recently because of the subject matters of the story the writer was sharing. The strongest messages in the story are that no family is perfect, that love and understanding is vital to all relationships, and that healing is found through our Savior, Jesus Christ, when we are humble. As I went home that night I was filled with questions, but I was also filled with a knowledge that the Lord had prepared me to look at this through a different light. My first thoughts were not of how to confront the people involved in anger, but how to share my love and testimony with them. As the story was told, I was reminded of the pain of one of the characters, and my own anger and disgust was replaced by compassion for the person I held most responsible in the real life situation unfolding into my lap through sobs of sorrow and fear. I thought of another character in the story and remembered to not make any judgements, but to love and listen, knowing the Lord knows and loves each of the family members involved on a level I can not possibly understand. My part right now is to teach acceptance and understanding, patience and peace, and most of all to share my love and my testimony with these dear ones.

My Father in Heaven knew what could possibly be coming and over the past few weeks has been helping me to prepare. He has blessed me with a desire to reorganize, and to take charge of an area of my home that has not been used for a while. I know now that he has been preparing me for the choice being made today. My father in Heaven knew that one of the choices would affect everyone in my home, and has been strengthening me and giving me resolve in how to better handle some of my family relationships so that with his help previous reasons for conflict will be lessened or softened. I believe my Father in Heaven knew what was drawing near and provided me additional help with one member of my family so I can have enough inspiration and energy to support other family members who will need my attention and understanding as we make transitions and adjustments in schedules, responsibilities and interactions.

I know my Father in Heaven knows me. I know he loves me and prepares me in silent ways for the challenges and opportunities, the sorrows and joys of life. It is no mistake, he knows what I need and will prepare the way. I know I must trust him more and speak to him more often in prayer. I know I must attune my life to his will, and he will guide me in the choices I make. I know at this time that he will assist me in reaching out in the perfect way to each of my loved ones whether through a hug, a letter, a phone call or a visit, for I know with a surety that he will prepare their hearts to accept the truth of my unconditional love for them. It is no mistake- I know he knows.

Taking the Blame- With Tears

In my last post I apologized to all those who felt I had ruined their lives by reading their blogs, sharing my support of their blog, reacting or commenting on their blog or being the cause of one blogger calling another with a question that made them uncomfortable, even though they had been excited to share their thoughts about the very thing they were asked about. I don't know if any of the ones affected have even read my apology or if it makes a difference to them, for none of them have responded in any way. What does matter is that I was willing to say I am sorry. The next step, of forgiveness is up to them.

The silence of others has given me a lot to think about. It has given me the chance to once again look at what those close to me believe about me and what they expect of me. Fair warning, this may sound like I am depressed, but I am not, at least at this moment. I am however willing to be truthful and honest about my feelings for a few minutes.

My family, and even new friends, are willing to make me the scapegoat for something that wasn't all entirely my fault. I may have played a part, but I was not the one that gave the specific information out that caused the problem. I alluded to a relationship, but did not divulge the name of the party I was protecting. The one that broke the link and gave out the name was the person's own family member who may or may nat have known better. But if they can blame me, they don't have to feel betrayed by family. It is much easier to blame a so-called stranger than someone you know and love. Besides blaming me allows them to continue their relationship with their loved one as it was before the incident. Also blaming me, others can pretend they had no part in whatever they perceived happened. I am also sure that my family members that spoke to those who think they were hurt or offended told them that everything was my fault anyway or that I would take the blame for everyone on my shoulders, for they know I will, not just the blame, but the pain that goes with it.

I guess I have taught my children well that whatever they want to say to me is OK. Whatever they want to accuse me of doing or being, or saying as they perceive it is OK, as long as they ask one important question. "Are you going to be OK?" As soon as I say, "I will be" they are off the hook. They can then say whatever they want, however they want, express their opinions however hurtful and then turn away without any other thoughts or worries. They know I will keep any comments to myself that may seem to me like they would be hurtful back., so it is safe for them, knowing they I will not hurt back. I listen but I don't fight back. I allow them the feeling of being right, even if they are so far off base it is unbelievable, rather then fight with them or try and change their thinking. Then they go back to life while I work through the pain, the tears, the feelings and find my way back out of the sorrow. They have seen me bounce back time and again, find the strength to work through the feelings and the tears, and then go on loving them unconditionally. Even my grandchildren have learned the same lesson, hurt, ask and then walk away and don't look back or care because grandma is strong and even if she is hurt won't come back to hurt you, but will keep on loving just the same as she always has.

Right now I have a lot of anger, unexpressed and kept from those I could direct it at. My anger or frustration isn't something that at this time will make a difference to the others involved anyway. Besides, expressing it to them would just be seen by them as not understanding, not accepting, not supporting, not loving or not having faith. The feelings would not recognized as what they really are : loss, abandonment, fear, helplessness, conflict with faith and testimony, confusion, or pain. I have taught my family well that it is OK for them to have anger, but not to expect it from me. Mom and grandma will just cry her way through the feelings silently. She will be angry at herself and maybe at others, but they won't have to feel any guilt or take any blame or feel any sorrow for things said or done. They can just go on pretending life is good and they are perfect in the way they handle situations and relationships.

I guess the bottom line is this, like so many times before, I will take the blame for what is not mine so others will not have to feel the pain of doing anything wrong. I will not defend myself or speak up for the truth, because they other person may not be able to handle the feelings that might result. Once again I will allow others to throw the burden of blame on my shoulders so their burden will be light because I know I am strong, but don't know where they are emotionally or mentally, and don't want to risk their happiness. Once again I will be the scapegoat, the reason for someone else's trials and tribulations so they do not have to look at themselves and take responsibility for their own actions or their own results. I will love them enough to take on all the suffering so they can experience peace, value, contentment and life as they desire. I will continue to love them unconditionally, whatever the pain or price, and may or may not ever know that love back from them. I will continue to love them, whether I hear from them or not, for that is who I am. I am their mother, their grandmother, their support or their friend. I am- ME.