Slow Down and Look Around

Slow Down and Look Around.  It is amazing the beauty that we miss in the fractions of seconds we take for granted or don't take the time to pause to enjoy.  If a simple drop of water is this beautiful I wonder what other things I am missing.  I hope that you enjoy this. 


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Gladly Changing Profile

Since I have not posted much this last year and presently don't have many followers, I have not thought about my profile until this morning.  It still remains simple and short for the time being, however I realized I needed to change the numbers it reflected.

•  I get to change the number of grandchildren I have from 8 to 11.  My oldest daughter remarried, and I now have the chance to claim another 3 as grandchildren.  
•  I added a + to the number of grandchildren to represent a special couple adoptive couple whom I love in the same way and are always in my thoughts along with the others. 
• I changed the number of great-grandchildren to 3, because a new little angel was added this weekend.  
• The + great-grandchildren represent the son of the adoptive couple, because he is in my prayers as much as his adopted sister, and for another little angel my granddaughter is expecting in April.  

I feel so blessed this morning as I reflect on all the special spirits the Lord has allowed me to have in my life and call my family. Each one of them have something they represent to me and each one teaches me about and assists me in appreciating life in a variety of ways.  The talents and abilities of the older ones inspire me and remind me to keep improving my own life and reach for goals that I may have never considered before.  The exuberance and innocence of the younger ones help me remember to appreciate the simple things in life, to enjoy the small moments of life that are over too quickly, to love unconditionally and to be humble.  The extended members are there to remember that love doesn't always have to be spoken to be be given or received.  Sometimes love is sent through a thought or a prayer and sent with faith that they will know and feel it around them and their hearts will touched.   

/So as I close his quick post, I acknowledge the gifts and blessings of family which I enjoy.  These gifts I hold precious in my heart. These members of my family I carry in my thoughts and prayers each day,   I send my love to them through action, deeds, words and sometimes silence hopes.   I step back and let them live, yet stand ready to hold them or even hold them up when the time is right.  I trust the Lord to watch over them and bless them as he had blessed me.   

Old Read - New Insight

I did it again.  I read a book I have already read and I enjoyed it.  Can you believe that?  Some people would think I was crazy.  From comments I hear often, reading a book a second or third time is not the same as watching an old favorite movie for the fourth or fifth time this year.

I already knew what was going to happen, when it would happen, who it was going to happen to, how it would change things and even whether there was a sad or a happy ending, but I read it anyway.

 This time as I read I could let go of the emotions of wishing something would turn out a certain way, the anxiety of waiting to find out if something was or was not going to happen, wondering who the mystery character was or why he was involved in his hidden acts.  I didn't have to feel stressed not knowing how many more pages I had to read before the chapter ended and trying to read them as fast as possible in the little time I had.   This time I could enjoy the characters and get to know them.  This time through the characters were more than just names on a page, they were people who were going to face challenges, and I could see how they either did or did not prepare for what was to come.  I could relax and feel the emotions they had rather than pushing aside the feelings in my my haste to turn a page or finish a chapter as quickly as possible.  

This time as I read I could enjoy the style of the writer, the way the story flowed and moved, or didn't move at all.  I could enjoy what the writer pointed out about life, decisions and values.  I could enjoy the writer's views as well as the views of the characters.  I could think about how the values were similar or dissimilar to my own.   I could take time to ponder what I thought myself about the problems the characters faced or their particular personalities or how either I or someone I knew had faced those challenges.  

I had previously read the majority of the chapters of this book through a blog that the writer had over a year ago.   She shared a new chapter twice a week for several months.  Due to family responsibilities she paused in her blogging, but shared an occasional update that she had changed a few things in the story, including the ending.  So when I stumbled across another post the other day, and found that she had published the book I was anxious to read it.  So I downloaded the book  Under My Neighbor's Roof by Melinda Porter Wilden to my Kindle.   I was pleased with some changes I felt she had made.  I liked the changes in the ending she had made.  She added a smoother ending to a variety of the story lines while leaving an opening for follow-up for others.  I have already looked to see if she is working on anything else, and found two chapters of another story.  I guess I will need to check on this writer again in the near future.  

So would I do this again?  You bet.  I have already gone to my home library and browsed the shelves, reminding myself of the hours of enjoyment I have found in the pages of some of these books.  What did I enjoy about each one of them?  Why did I buy that one? Why did I save this one but not the other one by the same author?  Maybe I will even go buy a set of books I have been longing to reread but gave away to a friend a few years ago and they moved before returning them.   

Different - Not Better

Why do we let other's opinions get in our way?  Where did we learn or decide that what they think is better than what we think or believe?  The truth is- their opinion is just different- not better. 
Yesterday our new home teacher came to our home.  He was asking about some of our interests, and of course I said that I love to write short stories, and explained how and why I had started writing short stories for children.  Alex told him I was thinking of getting them published.  Rather than just wishing me luck, he started telling me about another couple in the ward that are professional writers and that they had several things published and had their own website.  He asked if I knew them and suggested that they could teach me how to write so that I could have something published someday.  I am sure that he was trying to be supportive however something about either what he said or the way he said it left me feeling as though he felt I was less of a writer than this other woman and her husband, and that if I would talk with them I could be good like they are. 
I let the thoughts lie dormant until this morning, as I was busy helping several family members yesterday.  Then the thoughts surfaced again as I was thinking of my own stories and wondering if my daughter had found a chance to read any of them that I had sent her to edit for me.  So I did a quick search for this author whom I had already met a few weeks previously through my visiting teacher.  What was the book she had published?  What were her books about?  She had talked at dinner the evening we were together about the importance of submitting your work to many places or agents if I really wanted to be well known or actually sell any of my work.  
Well, I am glad I searched.  For here I am, able to share with you that I know she is not necessarily a better writer than I, but she is a different kind of writer, with different opportunities and experiences. 
I found that like me, she creates alot of short stories.  It is some of these short stories that have won her an award (hence her suggestion that I search for contests to enter) several years ago.  I was feeling bad because I have not created a novel or a long book.  What I found out is that much of what she has had published are short stories included in another author's compilation book of science fiction stories.  Yes she writes fiction, but her fiction is very different than mine.  Her stories are all science fiction and fantasy, except for one piece she had published in The Friend.  She has the support and assistance of a husband who has also co-authored stories with her.  Her husband is a "world builder" which means he creates fantasy worlds and populates them for science fiction.  While I work full time, and find only a few minutes to write early in the morning or late at night when my mind is already numb from the cares of the day, she works only part-time, has no children home, and has several hours each day to focus on her writing. 
So as I left her website, and moved back to my own short stories, I left with a better attitude than I had started my search with.    I had let the opinion of someone else put a doubt in my mind that I was a good writer, or that my writing was of worth.  The reality is that neither the other author, her author husband or I are better than one another, we are just different.  We write differently, we have had different opportunities to share our work.  They have been able to share their work through magazines and compilation books of short stories, while I have shared my work with teachers, children, friends and other parents I have known, and am now ready to share it with many more people.   They are blessed to have several hours each day to be able to focus on their writing, while I am blessed with many hours each day to focus on what I feel I believe I can share with others through my talents and abilities.  They are able to support, encourage and even work together on their stories and writing.  I currently enjoy support and encouragement from close family members in moving in a new direction with my writing and reaching out. 

So I remind myself, and you my reader, to remember to balance our own opinions with those of others.  Opinions are not truth.  Someone else's opinion does not make us right or wrong, better or worse.  In the light of knowledge, opinions just offer a chance to see difference. 

Mini-Vacations- I Love Them

Wow!  I have just enjoyed another "Mini-Vacation" (as my granddaughter and I refer to them.) I recommend them highly to everyone I know and love.   We take them at least once or twice a year. They are called mini-vacations because they do not last more than one or two nights (the mini portion) but they are a chance to get away from home for some activities, swimming, and just quiet thinking time (the vacation portion).  Occasionally we plan ahead, saving the money, but like this weekend, often they are a last minute decision to just escape and runaway from problems, pressures and work.
My 12 year-old granddaughter, Alex, has been suggesting we take a mini+vacation for several weeks. It seems that everytime I seem open to the idea, she ends up doing soething else with someone else, a friend, a parent, ad church group, etc.  She ends up off somewhere else, and I end up staying home to clean or relax on my own or finding my time filled with other grandchildren, responsibilities or projects which seem to pop up unexpectedly. I have thought about running-away on my own for some recreation of my own, but generally decide to use the money another way or save it and wait, knowing that the right time will come eventually. 
So yesterday afternoon I decided, this weekend would be great.  It was Alex's last day of school for the year.  I had attended an short, but emotionally draining meeting concerning her brother earlier in the week.  Even though my hours at work were decreased recently, I had during the week been handed additional duties and responsibilities.  I had also learned during the week that a health issue I had been having would best be handled with surgery which would leave it's own problems, and would require several weeks off work.  It was a time to celebrate, and a time to let go of worries and pressures.  So I called one of our favorite hotels in town and made a reservation for a two night stay, and left a message at home for Alex to start packing for us.  (Alex likes the pool in this hotel, the amenities, such as a hair dryer, microwave and refrigeratore, and I like the room arrangement, such as a table for writing or painting and a separate seating area with a couch and chair.)
Of course, like most vacations, flexibility is important, whether it is a long trip or a short overnight jaunt.  Planning is great, but you can't  expect everything to look or be a certain way.  Things happen simply because you are part of a loving family, and because of things you have taught your children to be or do.  Alex was excited to go on the long awaited vacation, but I had forgotten about a birthday party she had planned to attend. She was willing to just drop off a hand-made card, and give up her time with friends, but I knew this party was important to her, and being a good friend seemed to me a little more important at the time than just hanging out with family.   So the first night, which I had envisioned as the 2 of us at a movie, going to dinner, taking a late night swim and staying up to watch a movie together didn't happen.  Instead, we went to the store, bought her a gift to take to the party, grabbed a quick bite at a fast food restaurant, and while she went to the party I went to the hotel (only about 10 miles away) alone to check in, watch a movie and unpack, then back to our house to pick her up after the party, bring her to the hotel where she immediately fell into bed exhausted.  
Our next day was busy. We slept in an extra hour or two, dressed for the day, and went downstairs to enjoy the free breakfast buffet our chosen restaurant offers guests each morning.  Since this was a holiday weekend, and the hotel was filled, there were no open clean tables, so we took our trays back to our room and ate at the table in our room as though we had ordered room service.    I suggested a movie I knew Alex wanted to see at a local theater, and asked if she would like to go skating, something she enjoys but doesn't get to do often.  She was thrilled. Since the theatre and skating wouldn't open for another hour or so, we chose to go to the nearby mall and window shop.  The plan was to just look around, but we ended up buying new summer sandals for each of us, and enjoyed purchasing some jewelry and hair accessories to wear for the upcoming 4th of July and other activities.  The food court provided us with our favorite choices of food to enjoy before heading for the skating and movie center.   Since we were open to whatever worked, we didn't plan which was to be first the skating or the movie, so when we found out, we had missed the first posted showtime, we asked about the later show.  However, though the previews were almost over the movie had not started yet, so we bought the tickets and hurried into the theatre, sitting down just as the opening scene was beginning.  So we enjoyed a great movie together.  After the movie we walked to the other end of the building where Alex rented some skates and I found a comfortable bench to sit on where I could watch her and where I could sit and read a good book I had grabbed from home which I wanted to enjoy again.  An hour or so later, Alex was ready to go back to the hotel and enjoy what she likes most about the hotel, the swimming pool, full sized, heated and not usually too crowded to actually be able to actually swim if you want to.  By the time I made some phone calls and joined her, we had the pool to ourselves.  We both enjoyed racing and swimming hard, not just splashing around.  We had invited Alex's mother to join us, but she and her boyfriend had a full day planned, but wanted to have some time with Alex.  They arrived at the hotel as Alex and I were swimming, but couldn't stay for long.  We returned to our room.  Alex dressed, gathered her clothes for that night and the next day from the suitcase, and left to go with her mom for dinner and to spend the night. 
Although I had originally planned on Alex spending the second night with me, it was fine that I got this second night alone.  I could relax alone and spend some time remembering and thinking about the blessings I have that always, when recognized and noticed, always overwhelm and are greater than any perceived struggle or problem that may seem to be overpowering at the moment.  Being alone I could reflect on past and present and recognize that life just keeps going on and that for the most part, mine is pretty wonderful, with many things that simply happen and can too often be taken for granted, but are really small miracles and deserve to be recognized with gratitude. 
A good night's rest, brought me to my final morning of vacation.  A long leisurely bubble bath seemed the ideal way to start the day.  Plenty of time this morning to fix my hair and put on a little extra makeup and nail polish.  The breakfast area was less crowded, so I was able to sit at a table near the window, enjoy the scenery and eat a leisurely meal.  Back upstairs, I packed everything up, did a little writing, and enjoyed a cold drink. 
All too soon, it was time to check out.  Loading the car and preparing to go to church meetings, and return home to my everyday surroundings, responsibilities and challenges of life, I found I was already mentally planning another trip, sooner rather than later.  It was another moment to express gratitude that I am able to enjoy these mini-vacations, even if it sometimes means juggling financial items around, I am able to create these moments in time to renew, refresh, regroup, refocus and reconnect with myself and family members.  Others may talk about their great vacations to distant lands, their cruises, their tours, the productions they have seen or concerts and parties they attended before returning feeling refreshed.  I am happy for them, and rejoice in their excitement.  As for me, I think I will keep looking forward to and enjoying my simple little mini-vacations.

Backing Up Not Giving Up

There are times when it seems that no matter where you think you are going, you end up back in the same place, facing the same challenges. You find you are tired of trying. You may feel like you have tried it all and there is nothing new. You may even feel like there is no point in trying anymore.

During the past few weeks I have experienced all those feelings. I thought we were moving forward with a family member, hope was feeling close, although doubts were prevalent. Then it happened. An event occurred which was all too familiar, leaving behind the certainty that now was not the time to make the anticipated move. More work, communication and insight need to take place.

So with the feelings of discouragement, failure and frustration, and arguments with other family members over the situation, there came a time for choice. Do I just admit defeat and give up? Do I walk away and just say forget it? Do I just let someone else, who thinks they can do it better, just take over and forget all I have done? NO! I do not just Give Up. (Besides case workers and therapists insisted I couldn't do that.) The answer is to Back Up.

Backing up is completely different than giving up. Backing up means being willing to move rather than just be still. It means I get to choose differently than I have been. It means the family member involved may get less of what it is he thinks he wants until he earns it. Backing up means reevaluation of what has been given, and whether to continue to give as before or go back to the beginning and start fresh. Backing up means letting go of co-dependent actions and thoughts, admitting they were either taken advantage of or not appreciated anyway. Backing up means taking a more honest look at myself and the situation and not rationalizing or looking for something that may not be real, but was believed by rationalizing about or excusing other factors. Backing up is saying "no" to putting the perceived needs and wishes of others before the genuine needs and wishes of my own. Backing up means learning more, learning something new or opening myself up to just receiving knowledge and inspiration.

I am not choosing to Give Up. I am choosing to Back Up. I choose to not stand still or cower in grief but to take a step, even though it may appear to be sideways or backwards from the goal I had before. I choose to let old goals and beliefs float away and to capture new goals, beliefs and knowledge. I choose to grow not wither, to reach not stoop, and to have faith not discouragement.
I will not Give UP. I will Back Up and Move Forward Again

Time Passes Too Fast

Is it just my age or is time moving swifter than it used to?  I could swear it had only been a few months since I posted.  Now I look and and realize it has been more than 1/2 a year.

 I had such good intentions, and then life changed.  My Sunday writing time became replaced by weekly drives and visits with my grandson.  Evening writing time got lost due to having to work later to make up for time off for therapy, courts and other family obligations that interfere with a regular 8 to 5 schedule.   My relax after work time has become computer game time, and preparing a late dinner for the family, and scripture study with our new home teacher and his wife. (A story in itself.) 

I don't know how it is in your life but Time Passes Too Fast for me.  I am sure it was just yesterday that my granddaughter told me she was expecting, and yet today it is just a few months away and I am pushing her to get her room ready so we can move the baby furniture in.   I thought it was just yesterday that I finished the latest Jelisa story, and when I look it is saved three months ago, but I don't know where the time flew to.   I thought it has only been a few days not a full 2 weeks since I last wrote in my journal, but the dates when I open up the book tell me otherwise.  I was positive it was just yesterday that I was thinking of new ways I could show my value at work and keep my current job...Oh, thank goodness, finally one that really was just yesterday.

One day blurs into another lately.  I flow from one thing to another, just getting this done or that done, and finally reaching the end of the day.  I wake up the next morning, mentally list and review all the things I want or need to get done, and then begin, complete a few here and there, do what I have to, be pleasant and kind, and finally fall into bed, numb my mind with something from the computer, and fall asleep. Before I realize it days and weeks have passed without my marking them off or even making a note of them.  They were here and gone while I breathed my way through them.
So what happened to all those lost days?  Have they truly been lost?  Did time pass too fast for me to use it wisely?  No!  I used those days to increase my testimony and note it in a gratitude journal during sacrament meeting.  Those days contained moments of understanding, compassion, encouragement and listening that increased levels of trust, love and understanding in many relationships.  Sometime during the past few weeks as I watched time pass too fast I created 12 articles that a coworker read, was amazed by the ideas presented, and is impatiently waiting for me to put together the rest of the presentation so she can understand how all this "great stuff" fits together into a marketing plan.  Somewhere in those days I also gained a stronger testimony and a deeper belief in myself and in the possibility of receiving blessings that I feel have been just out of my reach, a someday wish that I have continued to hope for yet put off for the day when I have more time.  Perhaps now, while time passes too fast for me to note it's passing, those dreams are nearer than ever before.

Time does pass too fast for us to keep.  Yet when we capture a moment or two here or there through love, use of our talents or taking a step toward our future it has not passed in vain.  As time passes too fast we are offered a glimpse of a future where time is not noted and we live on doing the everyday things we do best..loving, creating and blessing others in our own unique ways.