A Mini-Vacation

Back in May, our family took what my granddaughter and I call a "mini-vacation".  Usually it has just been Alexandra and I, but this time we got to include the two newest members of our family, Lilly and Jilly.  As usual, it was kind of a spur of the moment, unplanned escape from everyday life.

The two little girls have this exhausting (for me) belief that anytime grandma is not at work she should be doing something with them, especially if  I am off all day.  They don't care if there are dishes or clothes that need washing, if the floor needs to be mopped or vacuumed or the toys put away.  They do care a lot about whether I can take them shopping, to the park, zoo or aquarium, or any other activity they classify for the day as fun.

 Because I needed to use (or lose) some vacation time I had earned, I ended up having Wednesday through Friday off.  Alex and I had some errands that had to be handled and appointments I had already scheduled and Alex needed to work so we kept our plans close to home.  I booked a room at Embassy Suites, a hotel located near the closest shopping mall, within walking distance of Alex's work and less than five minutes from home. for Thursday and Friday evening.    We used Wednesday to shop with both girls, and let them go to Build-A-Bear and make a new soft friend. After dropping Alex off we went to a nearby park where the girls could run, jump and play to get some energy out before going home for naps, dinner and a little house cleaning, and packing for the coming days.

Lilly had been begging Cathy for a day alone, so on Thursday, Alex and I took Jilly with us.  Most of the morning was spent shopping for some things Alex needed.  After dropping Alex off, Jilly and I went to Chucky Cheese for lunch.  Being the middle of a school day, there were very few  people there and Jilly had a ball being able to just run around play games and enjoy the rides without anyone holding on to her. When I could finally get her away, we checked into the hotel, where she immediately had to change so we could go swimming. (Is there any other reason to go to a hotel?".  After she tired of  swimming she watched TV and played with her new stuffed animal. until she decided she was "too hungry to wait".  So we walked across the street and the two of us had a dinner at a "big eating store" called Olive Garden.  Once back at the hotel, Jilly put her pajamas on and promptly fell asleep watching a movie while grandma read emails on the computer.  Around 11 pm I had to carry her out to the car so we could pick up Alex.    Thursday morning we went downstairs for the continental breakfast.

After breakfast, we packed up Jilly and went home to switch kids.  Jilly was excited to tell Cathy about her day and have a "mommy day" with her while we took Lilly with us.  Of course the first thing on her fun to do list was swimming with Alex.  Swimming always make everyone hungry, so a trip to Café Rio was in order.  A movie at the big theatre in the mall sounded like a good idea, along with drinks, popcorn and candy.   Alex didn't remember every eating at T.J. Fridays before, so it was a wonderful adventure for her and it was fun sampling some of their appetizers.  By then we were all ready to head back to the hotel for a leisurely night of computer and coloring activities and just lounging in bed.  In the morning I was able to garner about an hour of quiet, uninterrupted writing time before Lilly was awake and demanding attention.  We let Alex sleep a little longer then woke her up to accompany us tot he breakfast buffet downstairs.

I love our mini-vacations.  We don't take them as often as we would like, but they are worth the wait and the months of saving it sometimes involves.   Lilly and Jilly have both been suggesting the past few days that we can go to the big house by the stores and stay overnight in a room again.  They promise to be good.

Look around your own neighborhood for an opportunity to escape.  It doesn't have to be overnight stays.  Recently my daughter took a week off and she and her children found a museum, a fun park, an event or and attraction to go to each day for a week all within a 10 mile radius of their home.  The point is, to get away, enjoy life and relax.

I Risked It

I am super excited this week.  I decided to do something just for me,.  I joined one of the local writing chapters and attended my very first official writing conference.

As of last Wednesday I am officially a member of the Oquirrh Mountain Chapter of the League of Utah Writers.  I missed their monthly meeting last week, but I did attend the Spring Conference -League of Utah Writers on Saturday.  The conference was held at Salt Lake Community College.  Each writer was able to choose one of seven offered classes each hour (five total classes for the afternoon).  There were so many to choose from depending on where one might be in their writing journey, all of which sounded informative.  However, at the end of the day I knew the ones I had chosen were the perfect ones for me right now.

I met a new writer that shared her story and encouragement to just keep writing, even when life is not ideal.  She talked about setting individual goals that work for us, even if they are small, and then evaluating regularly as life changes, either up or down, and that either way is OK.  What matters is that you just keep writing.  While some people have the chance to sit down for days at a time and do nothing but write, for others it may be a challenge to just do a few lines a day and it may even be OK to miss a day.  This writer is definitely someone I would like to know more. 

In another class I found I learned as much from one of the other attendees as I did from the teacher about the joys and challenges of having a book signing.  I also learned some reasons why and why not to be involved in one.  During the discussion, I also learned some obstacles other authors have overcome in promoting their books during events such as Salt Lake Comic Con FanX™ . 

Another class I found interesting had to do with overcoming the tendencies and traits of an introvert as it relates to public speaking and promotion of our writing.  The teacher had a very engaging informative presentation, and I left believing I could do most of the skills he was encouraging us to be open to developing. 

Another class I attended started out with ideas for uncommon ways of promoting our writing.  Because I have to keep up on some changes and developments in technology as part of my daily employment, I was able to follow most of what this teacher was presenting as far as research.  The thing I came away with was the feeling it was OK to use unusual ways of advertising or exposing your work to new readers. 

The final class I chose was on "Finding Your Muse."  The main encouragement I got was to not feel afraid to try different genres or paths in writing.  I also felt more inspired to be totally aware of everything and everyone around me, because you never know where an inspiration, character, scene may come from.  I also felt empowered to take more opportunities to find alone or reflective time to reflect on a story, idea or thoughts about whatever I am writing at the moment. 

These few hours, listening to and sharing thoughts of other writers, and learning about the writing they  have completed or are in the process of working on, was probably as rewarding for me as my sister, Karla, who is a carver, attending a woodcarving show. 

Why Is This So Different?

I have lost count of how many times I have asked myself this question over the past days, weeks and months as I raise the youngest two children in my home.   As a single parent, I already raised my own five children.  Then I chose to take on the care and responsibility for three of my grandchildren.  Now I am starting over by raising two more children.   One might think since I have done it once, the second or third time should be a breeze.  Which, I guess, is why this question comes up so often.  I did it before, so why does it seem so hard? Why is this so different than last time? 

The answer is simple. Everything is different.    My financial situation is different.  My housing situation has changed several times over the years.  The support of family and/or family members is different. Former health and wellness concerns for me and others have been replaced by new medical and counseling needs.   The demands on my time have not remained the same through all the years.   Employment, hours and expectations have not remained constant.  Ways of dealing with stress or discouragement may be managed in a more or less effective manner.  Actions, thoughts and choices may have shifted in their level of priority or importance to me or someone else.   Relationships have certainly changed through out the years.  The expectations of society have changed over time.  Most importantly, no two children are alike, so it impossible for anything or everything to be the same as it used to be.

Last week, as I was looking through some prior journals, I found a passage where I must have asked myself the same question- What is different?   Reviewing the comparisons I made at that time between how things were when I was raising my five children alone and the reality of where I was at while raising three grandchildren was very informative.  I realized that whether I was to compare my present circumstances to thirty or ten years ago I would find a difference in every category.   In those few moments of reading, I felt a peaceful understanding settling in.

It is perfectly fine if what I am going through now, the choices I make and the results are different.   What worked in the past, worked because of the times, the people and the circumstances.  When dealing with different circumstances, people and challenges I was able to be, act and choose in another manner that were the best and most workable at that time.   No doubt, as I shift and reevaluate what is going on now, I will also find what works best in the present moments of life.  By recognizing the differences I can better decide how to use the knowledge, experience and skills I have gained from the differences of the past.  In recognizing the differences, as well as similarities, between the past and now both I and those I love will progress in new, different ways that will be just right, whether perfect or not, under the present circumstances and into the changing future. 
 
Are you feeling like life should be different than it is?  Ask yourself the question.  You may be surprised at the answers that come back. 





 

Finding a Balance

Balance - visit Pixabay.com

This week has been interesting as it has given me the opportunity to take a look at the balance in my life between work and home, especially the balance at home between responsibilities/expectations versus caring for myself and my own needs.  
I feel most of the time my balance between work and home is handled well.  However, one of my managers caught me during a few moments when I had spaced off mentally or blinked without unblinking for a few seconds.  I know it was less than a minute, but it was enough to receive a formal warning from management.  Rather than freaking out about possibly losing my present employment, I have taken time this week to reflect on perceived demands on my time and expectations of others, both at work and home.
I found this picture today, and as I looked at it I appreciated it more and more.  In many ways it is depicts exactly how I feel lately. At first glance what I see is the balance of the stacked pebbles and the initial feeling of peace and relaxation. I feel balanced, things are happening with order and I am in control.    For a short period of time I just enjoyed the moment of calm and feeling of freedom the picture evoked.  Then I noticed the other pebbles nearby, the ones that are not as close in size or included in the choice of pebbles to work with.  There is a fairly flat pebble not too far back which looks as though it may have made a good base, however, as perfect as it appears on the visible surface, the sculptor chose not to use it, just as he chose not to include many of the other numerous rocks nearby. The choice of pebbles in creating the balanced result is like the choices I have to make in finding my own balance. Though something seems like it would add to the value or creation, I can't  include everything.  Have to make choices of what seems will work best together at any given time and leave other things to work on for another time.  Another thing that caught my attention was the water coming toward the shore.  At the moment it does not threaten the balance, but as time goes on it may or may not, depending on the changes in nature, shake or even topple the fragile balance that exists.  This is like the emotions, needs and choices of others in my life  Their moods or choices may threaten whatever balance I build and could come crashing upon me like an ocean wave, disturbing or changing the balance of sleep vs rest, freedom vs responsibilities, time for/with others vs time for own interests.  Like the stones, what I build may remain standing, inspiring someone else in the process or it may be washed away and I will need to rebuild from different materials or a new perspective. 
So I will take this opportunity to look at finding a new balance of responsibilities, work and time for self.   There will be less free play time allowed when I have four children here and more time in teaching them if the toys are not put away properly, it will take them longer to clean up.  Balance may involve putting out some cleaning charts as a reminder to myself of little things I can do in each day.  It will involve a refocus on getting the girls to sleep without grandma so I can have an extra half hour each evening to work on other things (writing, playing the piano or reading) which help me release and handle stress.  
I wish the reason for this reflection had never happened, but I am glad for the opportunity to reevaluate what does and doesn't work for me in keeping life in balance.  I am thankful I have skills and resources I can call upon to help me make choices which will work for me, in my unique circumstances.   
Although you may not have had a recent experience to cause you to reflect on the balance in your life, I encourage you to take the time now to look at how you too can improve the balance(s) in your life. 

Enjoying something simple

I found myself in a church meeting recently thinking about how something small and simple can make such a difference in our day.  It may not have even seemed important, but something or someone later made you realize a shift in your attitude or outlook on circumstances or situations.

For me, on that particular evening,  it was a three dollar ($3) pair of red patent leather open toed wedge pumps.  My granddaughter had needed to go shopping earlier for some pants she needed for work.  We decided to try a new thrift store which had recently opened near our home.  Having never been there before, I started to browse while she was trying on her clothes. I was looking to see what they had in open toed shoes, which are often hard to find.  Surprisingly I found a pair of nice looking red shoes in really good condition.   What was even more surprising was that they not only fit, but fit comfortably.  Although I had not planned on buying anything for myself, I kept them in my hand as I joined my granddaughter to pay for our purchases, rationalizing to myself that a few extra dollars would not make that much of a difference.   Later as I dressed for the meeting, I chose a skirt with a red, black and gray print, and slipped on the new shoes instead of the black shoes I normally wore with the outfit. I didn't think much about my appearance as the toddler asked for hugs and reverted to their usual tears because I  was leaving without them, again.   I hurried to get to the meeting and find a place to sit in the crowded chapel, ending up on the front row of the folded chairs for the overflow crowd.  It wasn't until after the opening song, the prayer and the first talk was concluded before I relaxed.  As I listened to the speaker I began to look around at the couples seated near me.  Being single, as often happens, I began to feel self-conscious, especially as I was seated near some couples, who I perceived from their clothing and shoes were probably much more financially stable than I am. I realized I was beginning to compare myself to others, which I know is not fair, especially to myself.  It was then I looked down, and suddenly my feeling of being less was gone.  I suddenly felt beautiful, accepted and the equal of everyone else there.

What was it that made the difference?  A simple pair of red shoes, purchased on a whim.  They were not scuffed up from kids stepping on them or playing dress up or being knocked down the stairs. .  They were not missing pieces of rubber from the heels because they had been worn daily for months at a time because I had chosen to buy shoes for others in the family instead of myself.  .  They were not just something I had thrown on as I walked out the door, but something which complimented what I was wearing,   In that moment I felt proud of the way I looked.  I was glad I had chosen to spend something on myself without guilt.  In that moment I felt loved.  I felt like I deserved to feel special. 

That moment was a reminder that it doesn't take much to make a difference in a life, whether it be your own or someone else's.  It was also a reminder to appreciate and notice the simple little things we do for ourselves and others. What may seem small may actually be the very thing that makes a difference in how someone feels about themselves, their surroundings, their choices or their life. 

What have you done that seems simple?  What simple thing could you enjoy right now? 

What was I thinking?

Do you ever have days where you ask yourself "What was I thinking?"  I seem to be having a lot of those days lately.

I love the two great grandchildren I adopted, but when they are running around, as 4 and 5 year olds do I wonder.   When they are resisting going to sleep and jumping on the bed instead of lying down, while I am exhausted from a full day at work, cooking, cleaning and meeting various family needs, I sometimes wonder what I was thinking, but then I get a goodnight kiss or someone has to hold my hand in order to go to sleep, and I know I was thinking of them, not me, the love we have and the things I thought only I could give them. 

I know a daughter needs me to watch her children so she can work her unusual shifts, but sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I agreed.     When I have four children ages four to nine running from one room to another I wonder. When I am fixing the latest thing that got broken because of the combination of children playing together or not respecting the rules I find myself asking, why I thought I could have a nice home as long as I have so many young children playing in every room.   I not only question my own expectations but what others expect of me. Of course, a lot of things have changed, some on her end and some on my own since we agreed I would help, which is when it comes to the end is what the thought was - helping. 

What was I thinking when I took a cut in hours and pay a few years ago? At the time it didn't seem like a big deal,  it was only $5000 a year difference.  Now the difference is over $11,000 (almost a year's worth of mortgage payments or the payoff of my car).  I was thinking it was better to have a well paying shorter hour job than a full time job with less benefits or salary.  I was thinking the same thing I think about now, the trade off of money versus the schedule which allows for
medical appointments and meeting family needs. I am still thankful for the blessing it so often is.

I guess my point is, for me, that when I question myself and sometimes ask "What was I thinking?" , upon reflection I find that the decision was not made without thought and there is always a blessing within if I take the time to look.  I wonder what you find when you stop to ask

2017 - Time for Revival

The New Year, 2017, has begun with a bang.  One of the things this year offers is the chance for revival. 

It is time to revive passions, interests and dreams.  It is time to reinvigorate creative desires and abilities.  It is time to restore a passion for living, whether I am choosing to live day to day, week to week or month to month. It is time to resurrect saved manuals, books and articles full of guidance and advice.  It is time to re-establish daily rituals/routines so life can move along smoother.  It is time to put back into place boundaries in relationships, work, time management and expectations, of self and others.  It is time to energize promises I want to keep. 

Among the things to restore is this space.  I began sharing after I had seen others I respected and admired reaching out via the internet to share their lives.    Just when I could (or should) have been sharing more about the challenges of parenting following the addition of two children to our home, priorities got jumbled due to the increased demands of working with social workers and agencies, supporting the parents, the legalities and process of adoption, working to support a larger family and caring for two very active demanding toddlers and a teenager faced with all the decisions, challenges and growth of attending high school.    What spare time I did find I used to post a few thoughts on another blog, “Bridge of Skills” or promote my book by the same name. 

The beginning of a new year fell right behind moving from one home and city to another.  Among the comments I have heard from people in our former area and people I am meeting in our new living area is that they wish they knew me better, and as they learn more about me, the question of whether I have ever considered sharing my experiences and inspiration with others.  The answer is yes, I have, and it is time to do it again.   

So, for those who have known me before, and allowed me to share with you in the past, I ask you to forgive my absence and hope you will again look forward to reading the thoughts of someone who is just like you.  For those who are new, I hope you will feel love, encouragement and value as we journey through life together.